Gloomy Days...

I wonder if gloomy is the best word to describe my recent days.

Two months ago my granny tripped herself and fell, and broken her pelvic joint. She was hospitalized for a week. The first week she came home, we all yelled at her trying to stop her to walk to toilet as often as once in every 15 minutes. Eventually we gave in and let her do whatever she wants.

I wished that I don't have a granny, at that depressing weekend. We all started to get used to the situation, and pulled ourself out of all the frustrations and depressions after that first week.

Three weeks later, she was so ill and was hospitalized again, for five days. Glucose in her blood was too low, she passed out. The night before she passed out, she acted weirdly - treated us so nicely. In the afternoon the day before she passed out, she said "I know you did all these for my own good" to my elder sister when she took granny to pee. In the evening, she was so ill and wanted to see everyone. She held everyone's hands, as if she is soon to leave us. We all cried. First time in my life I saw my dad and all my sisters cried so sadly.

I thought I hated granny, however, I don't. I'm just angry at her, her actions to be specific.

Early this morning, she passed out and was hospitalized again. It's her blood glucose again. None of us cried, we were all prepared.

Do I hate her? I guess not, but I'm still very angry at her, for what she did to us.

Miss You

Came back from lunch, sitting in front of the computer, all in a sudden I miss my former colleagues so much. They are like family to me, three sisters and an aunty.

I've never felt this since I join the new company. It's been seven months, but still I don't have someone whom I will share my feelings with, in this new company. I'm still skyping my ex boss whenever I'm unhappy, sad, stressed up, stressed out...

Kooi Ling, Min Min, Beh and Celina, I miss you all so much!

Bored...

Gee I actually enjoy being stuffed with work.

Since I complained about aches on my arms, my boss reduced my workload. It's been a week, I'm so bored working without much work, which means no challenges.

Urgh, work, work, work! Without much work, I'm bored; too much work, I'm stressed up. Oooh, what am I suppose to do?

I'm so free that I have time to read all the posts in my blog and my friend's blog. I'm so bored that I keep bugging my friends on skype till they don't feel like entertaining me anymore. :(

Between Kind and Cruel

Sick, I am really sick, both physically and mentally, sick. Anger has possesed me, I could not stop myself from angry at my grandma.

Two weeks ago, grandma tripped and fell at home at late night. None of us know how she could have tripped herself and fell, and broken her leg. Grandma is the psycho type of person, she is suspicious, bad tempered, and also cruel.

Since my dad is the only child, we have no excuse but to stay with grandma. Grandma is a tyrant, every one has to obey her. We did, me and my siblings did obey her, untill we all are old enough to make our decision. Quarrels started, endless quarrels between grandma and the rest of the family for years. Eventually, we chose the simplest way to avoid the quarrels - we all stopped talking to grandma.

Grandma is selfish too, so selfish that she would torture her own son. Since she discharged from the hospital and came home, she never stop torturing my dad and all of us, including my mum. She refused to wear diapers, and asked my dad to assist her to toilet once or twice hourly, every night.

Even during day time, she won't let go any of the opportunities to torture every one. Every half an hour or less, she will make fusses wanted to go pee. Every one is stressed up, we yell and yell at her. But, all the yelling, threatening, frustration do not lead to a solution. We all are still in the deep fire that burns us alive.

I wish she will die sooner. I felt guilty for saying so, but, I want my dad and every one at home to live longer. So, I hope my grandma will die sooner.