一個人生活

不安分

2009-06-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

助人爲快樂之本。
這句話實在土，卻很有道理。
今天下班后，我到附近的商場買文具，走過一家服裝店時見有促銷就停下來看看。一個中年婦女突然問我“小姐，你會說英語嗎？”。原來，這位阿姨之前在另一個商場同一家連鎖店買了三雙襪子，可能因爲不諳英文，買錯了兒童裝。漂亮的女店員是個菲律賓女孩，態度很親切。兩
个說著不同語言的人無法溝通，我只好用那半桶水都不到的英語給她們當翻譯員。
經過數分鐘的對話，那漂亮的女店員給阿姨換了三雙成人裝襪子，且不另收差價。能夠幫到阿姨換取成人裝襪子，我很開心。原來自己對社會還是有那麽一點點貢獻的。
其實很久都沒有這種感覺了。以前在醫院工作時，因爲工作關係時常幫助病人做這做那，他們的一句謝謝足以讓我忘掉當天所有的不愉快。後來換了工作當上了研究員，雖然工作比當客戶服務員更具挑戰性，可是我卻不再感到自己對社會是有貢獻的。每天熬足八個小時寫出來的報告，除了可以為公司賺取可觀的收入外（還有讓公司以微薄的酬勞壓榨員工），還為這個社會做了些什麽。
這個問題一直都徘徊在我的腦袋裏。有時會有些衝動想要轉換工作環境，因爲我實在不知道目前的工作除了滿足三餐溫飽和某种程度上的物質享受外，還給了我什麽？！生活好像少了些什麽，卻説不清楚。
可能安定的生活總會讓人有些不安分。

回家

2009-04-26T18:22:00.001+08:00

又回家咯！这个星期四我就即将离开新加坡这个小红点，跨过长堤，回家去了！

这是离家后第三次回家，心情还是一样地兴奋。回家，有好多事情想干，要去“重新发现--槟城”，要和朋友聚会，要和家人吃饭聊天看电视……好多好多，十天的假期实在是太短了。

一个月前我就订了车票准备回家。两个星期前，我就开始把要做的、要买的、要带的……写在纸上。今天更是花了三个小时上槟城旅游网站搜资料，安排行程。住在新加坡越久，我就越发觉得家乡可爱，更加珍惜逗留在槟城的时间。我想下个星期我会不舍得上床睡觉。

“重新发现--槟城”是两个星期前想好的，就是要趁这一趟回家，好好地、认真地重新认识家乡，把槟城美丽的身影记录在照片上，也让它烙印在脑海里，好在将来思乡病发作时可以“睹物思人”，同时也“睹物思乡”。

Crazy!!!

2009-04-21T01:13:00.001+08:00

Oh God, tell me I'm not crazy! Tell me it's just because of that fast-paced life I'm having here!

Arghhhhhhhhh! I woke up around 1am and took a big hot shower, and washed my hair! It's now only 1.05am after I've took my shower and dried my hair. Stupid me!!!

I believe I woke up after hearing some sound coming from the living room. I thought it's already 6! I turned off my mobile phone alarm clock without looking at the time. I also turned off my analogue alarm clock without knowing what time it was.

Oh why wouldn't I look at the clock before rushing to the bathroom?!

Singapore! Singapore! Singapore! All this happened because I'm living in Singapore. I need my holiday, away, AWAY from this tiny red spot that's making me crazy!

How am I suppose to get back to sleep? :(

以貌取人

2009-04-09T09:49:00.001+08:00

从小我们都被教导不能“以貌取人”，父母是这么说，老师也是这么说。我一直把它当真理，偶尔当我以貌取人时，就会感到罪恶。可是，当我离家独自来到新加坡生活后，吃了亏，我才学会做人必须以貌取人，更要懂得察言观色。

今早乘搭地铁上班时，父母老师教的那套真理又再一次被狠狠地推翻了。当时我正埋头专注看着《联合早报》，突然听见有人在车厢内大声说“要打架是吗？”，我赶紧抬头张望，想看看到底是哪个年轻家伙那么目无法纪，竟然在挤满人的车厢里打架。可是，看了好一阵却没看见年轻人，只听到那人继续大声喊着“门没有开，怎样给你走过去？！”我的目光继续搜寻着，直到车门打开，人们下了车，我还是没找着那喊话的年轻人。这时我看见了一个60岁上下的老aunty，胸巴巴地瞪着走出车厢的人们，一脸不爽地念叨“门都没开，怎样给你过去，要打架是吗？”。我看了她两眼，立刻把目光移开，不敢再直视她。我真怕当她看见我在看她时，会不会走过来给我一巴掌或对我大喊“要打架是吗？”

后来，我偷偷地再看了她两眼。这个老aunty戴着一副金色厚框眼镜，就像上世纪90年代初期的中产师奶戴的那种，一脸横肉，厚厚的嘴唇紧闭着微微往上翘，就像小孩子怄气时嘟着嘴一样。总的来说就是一脸欠扁的样子，在槟城我们会用较粗俗的字眼—“乖烂”来形容她的长相。

除了街上、地铁里的恶人，新国最恶的人恐怕就是房东了。我身边的所有非新国国民朋友几乎都遇过恶房东，幸运的就那么一次，不幸运的每换一个住处就得碰上一个恶房东。我也是受害者之一。刚到新国时，因为时间仓促，就在大巴窑租了一个房间。房东是一对退休夫妇，女的长得胖胖的，男的瘦巴巴。房子除了因为长期没有打扫发出霉臭味外，最令我难受的是女房东竟然不让我晚上使用厕所时，点亮客厅的电灯。他妈的，竟然要我摸黑从房间走去厕所。

刚搬进那里时，我总是在上厕所时点亮客厅的其中一盏灯。可是，第二个月的一个晚上，当我从厕所走出来时竟然碰上了那胖女房东。她一脸凶恶地用广东话对我吼着“家里有鬼吗？为什么要亮灯？！”平时不跟人吵嘴的我，被她吼得不知如何答话。当时我的脸就立刻拉长了，我想我当时的脸肯定比煤炭还黑。虽然我不擅长吵嘴，可是我天生是那种不会掩饰自己的情绪的人，一切喜怒哀乐都写在脸上。当下我立刻黑着脸转身走回房去，也不管她在后面继续唠叨。

自从那次以后，除了每个月交房租时，我都不跟房东说一句话。可是，我还是照样点亮客厅的灯，因为我已经付了房租。每次房东看见我亮灯，就会趁我在厕所时，把灯熄了。可是我不管，她熄灯，我点灯。他妈的，大不了找房产经纪人来对质！！！我和房东的关系就这样僵持了7个月，直到上个星期我搬离大巴窑。

当我再次找房子时，除了看居住的环境，我还会注意房东的脸相。所谓相由心生，只要看看那人的嘴脸，大概就能得个结论。凡是见了人不微笑、一脸横肉、“肉脸”等等，只要房东符合以上其中一项，我就掉头跑了。管他租金超便宜还是居住环境超高尚，只要跟如此“衰相”的人住在一次，肯定要倒霉。

其实，以上所说的并不是独立事件，身边许多朋友都遭遇了新国国民的“恶行”（不友善行为）。虽然不是每个新国国民都这么不友善，可是综合我自己和其他来自马来西亚的朋友的经验，新国国民一般上都很凶且很“ngiau”，这就是我们的结论。所以，我不再为自己的以貌取人感到内疚或罪恶，因为那是自我保护的必备条件，尤其是要在新加坡这个到处都是恶人的地方生存。

《新宿事件》

2009-04-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

《新宿事件》。当初会想要买票入场观赏这部电影是为了要看看成龙如何演绎黑社会老大，还有就是他会被安排如何死去。

说实在的，当年的那部《玻璃樽》已经让我对成龙另眼相看，原来成龙也能演警察以外的角色。虽然《玻璃樽》还是以成龙式武打挂帅，却也为这个迈入五十岁大关的武打演员另辟新的演艺路线。

《新宿事件》从开场的那一幕日本警察看见偷渡客上岸，还有那艘沉没了的大货轮，就显示了导演尔东升非一般的执导功力，感觉好像在看着好莱坞大片，非常有震撼力。这是很多港产片都缺少的—画面给观众带来的震撼。

电影是讲述一个中国东北青年铁头为了找寻爱人秀秀而偷渡到日本。到了日本，铁头为了生活开始干起了非法勾当。他和来自世界各个角落的中国偷渡客到百货公司用伪信用卡购买名牌货后转卖给买卖贼赃的商人、在动了手脚的游戏机赢取弹珠换礼物等等。

后来，铁头的好友—吴彦祖饰演的阿杰因为顶替其中一人玩游戏机赢弹珠时被台南帮老大抓个正着，而被砍掉了手掌。铁头为了替阿杰报仇，竟无意中救了秀秀的丈夫--日本黑帮老大江口。铁头后来替江口谋杀了两个黑帮老大，江口也就把台南帮的地盘交给铁头。

铁头接管地盘后，并不想成为黑帮老大。他把所成立的株式会社（也就是黑帮组织）交给弟兄们管理，而自己则经营农业机车生意。可是在铁头把会社交给弟兄们管理后，会社成了黑帮，就连那个胆小鬼阿杰也开始收门徒贩卖毒品。最后，成龙为了要把弟兄们拉回正道，而牺牲了自己。

为了生活，人们会出尽法宝，挑战个人的道德、原则极限，甚至不惜犯法，为的只是生存。我们这些生活在富裕国度里的人，可能会对那些为了生存而不择手段的人嗤之以鼻，甚至谴责他们没有人性，没有良心。可是，如果那些人有选择的机会，他们还会选择用性命来换取生存的条件吗？

这部电影里的每一个画面都非常的真实和简洁，让我完全投入在电影的故事里。电影最成功的莫过于当我看着成龙饰演的铁头时，很多时候我都忘了那是成龙。只有当镜头拉近到成龙的脸部特写镜头时，他那松弛的眼袋让我恍然发觉成龙真的老了，和电影中铁头的年龄有些不相称。
成龙的表现只能说是中规中矩，他的表演没有带来太大的震撼，反而是饰演胆小鬼的吴彦祖表现出色。

吴彦祖在大部分的电影里总是扮演帅气有型的杀手、警察等，角色都属于比较冷酷沉静的。可是在《新宿事件》里，他把那个怕事胆小的阿杰演得非常传神。尤其是当他失去一只手掌后，以邦克打扮再次在银幕出现，身后多了一群小跟班，在街上狐假虎威时，我看见的是一个因为走背运倒大霉而放弃自己的青年走上了不归路。当铁头一伙人被困在房子里遭日本黑帮追杀时，阿杰以为他不再是昔日那个胆小鬼。当他对在铁门外的日本黑帮吼叫时，那个砍掉他手掌的台南帮老大一声大喝，就把阿杰吓得跌坐地上，然后撒腿逃回屋内。当铁头逃出后找到阿杰时，阿杰因为服用过量毒品而奄奄一息。阿杰始终是个胆小鬼，邦克打扮和身后的小跟班不过是他掩饰自己胆小的面具而已。

撞鬼啦！

2009-04-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

我昨夜竟然撞鬼啦！睡至半夜竟然感到有人在拉我的被子，自己却胸闷兼四肢无力，口干舌燥还外加头昏脑胀，无法起床。其实，我也没胆子张开眼睛查看到底是谁在拉我的被子。确切地说，应该是什么东西吧，因为房间里就只有我一个人。更甚的是，我床上根本就没被子，因为那常用的睡袋发出阵阵的酸臭味，早被我塞到塑胶袋里扔在一旁。挣扎了一阵子后，我还是无法把眼睛撑开来，心里非常焦急，于是就在心里不停地叫着“南无阿弥陀佛”，叫了一阵还是觉得心慌，唯有把“观世音菩萨”都请来了。最后我终于恢复意识醒过来了，可是我不敢张开眼睛，唯有紧紧搂着抱枕逼着自己定下神来。直到天亮，我都没能入睡，只是闭着眼睛让脑子和心能够定定惊。

真没想到第一天搬进新家就遇到如此惊吓之事，让我一整个早上都浑浑噩噩地过，心里一直担心着自己是不是真的见鬼了，而要真的是又该怎么办。直到用过午餐后，脑子总算清醒过来了，思绪也恢复正常了，我才猛地想起自己午睡后，常有发生如此之事。当然，指的并非拉被子一事，而是胸闷、四肢无力、口干舌燥、头昏脑胀等症状都是午睡后因脱水所引起的，只是这次是发生在晚上。细细分析，其实昨夜因为眼睛被冷气吹得干燥刺痛，所以把冷气给关了。可是因为房间内没有电风扇，空气不流通，最后竟闹了笑话，把自己给吓坏了。

再仔细想想，要真的见鬼了，那鬼会这么轻易放过我吗？至少也得再耍几招把我给吓昏了，那才合乎逻辑。加上客厅内供奉着一尊佛像，我想那鬼再厉害，也不敢登门入室，难道他就不怕被如来佛掌给拍得魂飞魄散吗？

唉，真的是撞鬼啦！撞见我这只糊涂鬼，把自己吓得“鼻哥窿都没肉”。

Guys, Be Considerate!!!

2009-02-28T23:07:00.002+08:00

Another girl's life is destroyed!
I just read the news about a young couple being robbed at a car park in Petaling Jaya last night and the girl was raped by several robbers.
Guys, be considerate!!! Send your girlfriend or female friend home early, don't keep them out until late night. Malaysia is just too dangerous for anyone to hang out late, be it girls or guys.
Guys always think that girls are safe to hang out late when there are guys accompanying them. Stupid! Not in Malaysia, definitely not in Malaysia. Rape cases like this have happened too many times in Malaysia. Guys, don't ignore the fact that you are human beings too, you won't be able to protect your girlfriend when someone is pointing a knife or a gun at you! Damn it, guys!
Two years ago, I joined a company where more than 70 per cent of the staff are at the age group between 22 to 27. And the company had a stupid team building policy, where we all had to come out with activities to build team spirit. There was once me and the other team members went to Queensbay Mall for dinner. I wasn't prepared to hang out with them after the dinner. So, I was riding on that day. But, they all decided to go for a movie after the dinner. Even though I've tried to say no, but they just wouldn't let me go and kept persuading me. I felt really bad to leave after they all trying so hard to talk me into joining them. I didn't want to be treated like the so-called 'mummy's girl' or 'good girl' or being arrogant. So, I went for the movie with them eventually. I called home to tell my mum that I was going to be late. I felt so terribly bad when my mum told me to go home straight away. I knew she was worrying about my safety because I had to ride home alone and the journey was around half an hour from the mall to home. But, I couldn't say no to my colleagues after all that sweet talk. I felt like crying at that moment. I actually blogged about the incident in another blog of mine.
After that incident, I actually felt that my male colleagues were so inconsiderate at that time. They knew I was riding motorcycle, but my safety was not their concerns. I was a little bit upset. And because of that incident too, I promised myself I will never ever hang out late and make my parents worry about my safety again. Also, if my boyfriend ever trying to talk me into hanging out late, I will dump the guy straight away.
It's just so unacceptable that a guy being ignorant about his girlfriend's safety. And girls, if your boyfriend take you out till late night, you should consider dumping him. He's just not that concern about you!

臭脸

2009-02-23T19:38:00.007+08:00

早上六时四十五分，闹钟嘟嘟嘟嘟地响。
响了快五分钟，我才心不甘情不愿地爬起来坐在床上，又拉起被单把头蒙着。又过了五分钟，我按停了闹钟，拖着沉重的脚步去冲凉。
地铁自动门一打开，人群就哇地一窝蜂涌向电动扶梯去。我随着人群，像溪水那样随波逐流地被挤上扶梯。在离自动检票闸门约十步的地方，我瞥见了从身旁快步走过的OL。她化着淡淡的妆，穿着一件式的白色套装裙，腰间系着一条两寸阔的深褐色绒布腰带，脚上那双褐色高跟鞋随着她那轻盈的脚步踢踏踢踏地响着。可是，怎么这个女人却怎么看怎么别扭？好奇心促使我大步大步地跨上前去，赶在那个女人前头，然后尽可能自然地回头看了她一眼。
“哦，原来她的脸很臭。”这句话差一些脱口而出。可是我没说出口，因为同一时间另一个念头在我脑中闪过。“我今天的脸也很臭。”我喃喃自语。
是的，自大年初二回到新加坡以后，接下来的三个星期都是忙忙碌碌的。第一个周六，我和另外两个同事还有一个朋友花了十二个小时骑着脚踏车车踏遍了新加坡岛。周日又到大老板家拜年拿红包，过后又看了电影The Reader。第二个星期，英国的同事到访，我们就陪着她逛新加坡。周五晚上我们吃过晚饭后，就去了新加坡五星级酒店内的Long Bar去clubbing。这可是我人生中第一次clubbing，而且还很惊险。其中一个男同事因为对酒精敏感，引起身体不适而在凌晨被送到急诊室。还好有惊无险，那同事在医院休息了数小时后就没事了。第三个周末我们一班同事七个人去了印尼的巴淡岛共度情人节。
虽然很忙碌，每天回到家都筋疲力尽了，可是却很开心，生活过得很充实。英国同事回去以后，一切活动都停止了，生活也恢复平静。我却像泄了气的气球一样，每天都不愿起床。并不是厌倦上班，我不过是厌倦了挤在地铁上班的路程，加上无处不是的拥挤人群，还有家里那股一进门就闻到的发霉味道，这些简直就让我想立刻收拾行李回槟城。
所以，我的脸每天都是臭臭的。笑容是很难在我的脸上出现，就算出现了也无法停留超过五秒。现在最讨厌的就是呆在房间里无所事事，因为我会很想家。没有办法，唯有把每个周末的行程表都排得满满的，才不会胡思乱想。

The Best Meal in Singapore

2009-02-19T20:19:00.003+08:00

SlrRp SlrRp SlrRp...Mmmmmmmmmmm Asam Laksa!!!
I've been hunting for Asam Laksa since I came to Singapore. Though I found a few restaurants and hawker stalls selling Penang food on the Penangites in Singapore (PIS) group on Facebook for quite some time ago, but I didn't have the time to try them out.
As I didn't have the time to eat my favourite Ayer Itam Asam Laksa during my last trip back to Penang in Chinese New Year, I've been craving for it since the day I stepped my feet on Singapore. Today is a long and tired day for me because I attended a one-and-a-half-hour training and a twenty-minute meeting, and of all I didn't get enough sleep last night after a heavy Indian vegetarian meal.
This is the kind of day I will treat myself some nice food. But it's not easy to find something that really soothes my soul and stomach in Singapore. I knocked off sharp at 6pm, dragging my body back to Toa Payoh. Two weeks ago, I found the Ipoh famous Old Town White Coffee Cafe at the HDB hub in Toa Payoh. And someone from the PIS group recommended the Asam Laksa from Old Town at East Coast. So, I just couldn't wait to try it out.
When the waiter passed me the menu, I didn't even read it carefully, my eyes just went on hunting for my Asam Laksa and I ordered it straight away without second thought. Oh, I ordered an O Beng (Iced Kopi O) as well, one of my favourite drinks in Penang.
I was smiling all the time while enjoying my Laksa. I've never appreciated Laksa the way I did today. I just feel like smiling while biting the noodles and the big pieces of onions. Yum yum...I believed the waiters and waitresses were staring at me and knew it right away that I am a Penangite! Hahaha So what if I eat like I've been starving for days?! I just couldn't bother less!
I emptied the whole bowl of Laksa, I drank all the soup (简直就是碗底朝天嘛^o^). I feel as light as a feather as soon as I finish it. :D Hehe
Even though the Laksa only scored 8 out of 10, it still beats everything else in Singapore. Okay, it's now time to give a fair comment on the Laksa. I rated it 8 because the noodles wasn't soft enough and the soup was a little too thin. Also, the cucumber were sliced too thin and took away the crunchiness. And my favourite pineapple was MIA (missing in action), which disppointed me a little.
And here's some info about Asam Laksa for those who're not Penangites or haven't try it before.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laksa
http://www.delaksa.com/penang_laksa.php
http://www.rasamalaysia.com/2008/02/recipe-penang-assam-laksa.html

回家，过年

2009-02-15T17:58:00.003+08:00

今年是第一次以游子的身份回家过年。家，原来并不只是家人，它还包括了家的所在地，国。

对每个马来西亚华人来说，我们的身份是非常尴尬的。在国内，大部分的时候我们都被视为外来者，只有在国家有难时，政客就会踊跃地跳出来提醒我们，我们是马来西亚公民，我们是一家人，我们的祖先都为建国作出了贡献，然后那些华人商家就被逼着捐出巨款拯救国家。虽然我们都非常清楚我们是马来西亚公民，可是却接受着比二等公民还要差的待遇。那些为了捞取政治本钱的无耻政客，还会不时地发表华人是外来移民的谬论。

到了国外，无论我们在国内受了多少的委屈，肚子里装着多少无从发泄的怨愤，我们总是很骄傲地告诉别人我们是马来西亚人，我们是马来西亚华人。我们都会很骄傲地说We are Malaysian, we are Malaysian Chinese。有位朋友在中国念大学时，更为了坚持自己是马来西亚人的身份和一位中国远亲发生口角。当时我那位朋友在假期时到一个中国远房亲戚家住，在那之前他们从来没见过面。那位亲戚非常热情地招待我朋友，可是有一天那亲戚跟我朋友说，你是中国人，你的祖先是从中国移居到马来西亚的。我朋友告诉那亲戚说，我不是中国人，我是马来西亚人，我是马来西亚华人。两人后来就各自坚持己见，一个说是中国人，一个说是马来西亚华人，两人争得面红耳赤。我朋友更一气之下离开了那亲戚的家。

看官读到这里可能会满脑子疑问，既然都那么不满了，为什么还要为了那么个身份问题和别人吵嘴呢？可能你会认为我的那位朋友太激动了，可是我却了解他的心情。从我们呱呱落地的那一刻起，我们的脚踏着的是一个叫马来西亚的地方，吃的是马来同胞的三峇巴拉煎炒蕹菜，喝的是印度同胞的拉茶 (Teh Tarik)。这一切一切就只能在马来西亚找到，要是硬要说我们是中国人，那实在是说不过去。除了国籍，文化决定一个人的身份。

1月回家过年时，在电视上听到了这首歌《回家，过年》，我哭了。身在国外的我，虽然离马来西亚就只有一堤之远，可是生活文化全然不同。以前在家乡时常埋怨的事物，现在都成了宝了，空闲时总会想起家乡的好，所有的不满突然间都变得有点微不足道。

“……家在土里长国在心里放，你来自北方我来自南方，你不是寄居我不是流浪，你身在异乡我心在家乡……”

《回家，过年》
作曲/编曲：Alex San
作词：吉安
MV导演：吉安
演唱：满江浤、爱FM DJ（国俊、理强、佳文、吉安、晓芬、碧枝、敏明、晓薇）
一年又一年这座城市的喧哗
谁还在欢唱谁不再反抗
一站又一站站在自己的车站
一面都是墙一退就是让
一年又一年这座城市换红衫
谁还在欢唱谁不再反抗
一代又一代先贤锣鼓走过来
家在土里长国在心里放
你来自北方我来自南方
你不是寄居我不是流浪
你身在异乡我心在家乡
只求你我都心宽
但愿年年内心安
过年已过了三代上一代靠岸下一代上岸

Home-Cook Dishes

2009-02-07T15:18:00.004+08:00

After moving to Singapore, I miss home-cook food very very much, so much that I constantly skip dinners.
An idea came across my mind recently, and it keeps coming into my mind whenever I eat alone. A restaurant that serves home-cook dishes, simple and healthy, and definitely not oily and has to be additive-free - no 'BI SO HUN' (味精). Home-cook dishes are a luxury for someone like me who lives alone in a city where everyone does not cook meals and dine out basically.
I have been looking for places that serve something that is close to home-cook dishes. But sadly, I just can't find any. Economy rice stalls serve extremely oily food, even the stir fried choy sum is oily. :( Even the claimed-to-be-healthy Japanese food does not appeal to my appetite. Why can't someone open a restaurant that serves home-cook dishes - simple, less oil, less salt, and HEALTHY food?!
Healthy home-cook dishes. That is what I am going to serve to my customers, IF I ever have the opportunity to open my own restaurant. And one-seater dining tables specially for lonely souls to enjoy meals is a must. It is no joke that you need to spend at least 5 minutes or sometimes 20 minutes to find a seat during meal time in Singapore, and sharing tables just make me lose my appetites.
**Another dream of mines after living in the boring city for six months. :P

帅哥和美女

2009-01-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

原来帅哥也和美女一样，禁不起岁月的摧残。今天在家里闷得发慌，就上Friendster溜达溜达，无意中发现了一个数年没碰面的同学的照片。
哎呀，这是我认识的他吗？！看着照片中的K，不禁令我自觉欣慰，因为自己多年来体重都没有太大的改变。
当年第一次见他是在学院开课的第一天，因为K长得很高大帅气，让我留下深刻的印象。当然最重要的是他长得跟我的表叔很像，所以印象特别深刻。后来，我跟K也没有成为好友什么的，只是交情一般的同班同学。
毕业后的数年来，我们都不曾举办过同学会。虽然间中也有小聚会，可是总是猫咪三两只地出现，再加上学院时期的党派之分，不同党不同派的，毕业后都几乎不曾碰面。
不知道下一次的聚会，等待着我们的是惊吓还是惊喜呢？
近来发觉自己话越来越少了，就连写部落格时也总是不知道要写些什么。唉，不知道会不会换上自闭症呢？要真是换上了自闭症，那可有多不值得啊！

Surviving with Singapore food

2008-12-21T10:26:00.002+08:00

As I was wishing my taste buds would stop working for some time till I get to cook something for myself, I found a way to swallow those yucky Singapore food without too much difficulties. What is it? Swallow without chewing? No no, I wouldn't do such thing that's harmful to my stomach. The answer is - get FAMISHED!
Room & toilet cleaning is the routine work for my weekends and I like to get everything done on Saturday mornings as soon as I get off from my bed. Usually I skip breakfast on weekends with a brunch before I spend the rest of the day at the library. So, I did the same yesterday. I did my cleaning and laundry in the morning without having my breakfast. Around noon, I had everything done and ready to go to the library. I took a train to the Central Library located at the city central. By the time I reached the Bugis stop, I was famished. I need food! I need food! That's all in my mind. I headed straight to the food court in Bugis Junction, and grabbed a seat (it's always difficult to find a seat for someone who's alone, it's pathetic). I ordered beef noodles. The noodles tasted rather yummy and I finished up that big bowl without feeling like throwing up. *p*
In the evening, I didn't feel like having any hawker food for dinner. I ended up eating at KFC in Singapore for the first time, and alone. I ordered a Continental chicken salad with lots of veg and pieces of fried crusty chicken on it. They serve it with a pack of sweet soy sauce, which doesn't taste nice. I would prefer some thousand island sauce or mayonnaise to go with that salad. I spent around an hour eating my salad while reading my novel. If I was to do my reading in a garden cafe surrounded by green grass, it would be a relaxing evening. But eating at the KFC in a HBD hub, I felt like I have to finish off my dinner ASAP.

It's time to get a new place

2008-12-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

It's been more than three days I couldn't sleep well and eat well. Even when the quite-nice X'mas buffet lunch yesterday didn't open up my appetite. This is just so weird, I've never had such "gloomy" stomach before.
Be it breakfast, lunch or dinner, I just don't feel like eating when I'm in front of the hawker stalls. Singapore food being not tasty is just one of the reasons, the most important part that lead to this no-appetite status is - I'm sick of dining out!!! And I miss my sisters who fight with me at the dinner table for a bigger portion of those yummy food Mum cooks. Food just taste a lot yummier when you share it with your loved ones, even though you have to bear with getting a smaller portion of them.
So, the resolution is I have to find a new place ASAP in order to be able to cook my own meals! Although my cooking is not as yummy as Mum's, it still taste a lot better than the ones served in hawker centres or highly priced restaurants because the taste is closer to Mum's cooking.
Just don't think I can survive more than a year in Singapore without "self-cooked" food. No longer home-cooked as I have to cook myself. *blek

X'mas in Singapore I

2008-12-16T23:35:00.000+08:00

"let's see what i've got for my first X'mas in SG!" meemee sounds mysterious and excited.
"apa lu dapat?" jimjim asks.
"hehe something i've been thinking to buy." meemee doesn't want to reveal it yet.
"say lah!"
"ok ok. tadah!""what's that?! ang ang (red colour) eh. looks like McD delivery box."
"haiya it's a storage box, foldable one. u dunno meh so lauya." meemee teases jimjim.
"who gave u this?"
"from my colleague. we had x'mas lunch this afternoon. sui bo?"
"u mean the lunch or the box?"
"of coz the box lah! lunch can be sui meh? lunch is tasty lah!" the two just can't stop teasing each other.
"blek!" jimjim makes faces. "so what u gonna do with this ang ang box?"
"store my books lah! i've been thinking of getting a big plastic box to keep my books."
"u just tak habis-habis with ur books lah. how come u have so many books here? why lah u buy so many books? it's so ma huan when u move. u dun wan to move liao meh?"
"juz get the movers to do it lah."
"ok lah ok lah. let me see the box."

Coming home...

2008-11-24T06:24:00.000+08:00

I'm coming home!!!
I prefer to use "coming home" instead of "going home" because it gives me a sense of closer to home as if I've always been home, though it's not grammatically correct.
It's been a tough week for me. I barely sleep for the past week, waking up at 6am and couldn't get into sleep after tossing and turning on the bed till 1am. I'm just too excited about coming home and so many things going around in my mind. My laptop is giving me a headache. I couldn't decide whether to carry it home or leave it here in my small room. Although Singapore is famous for being a safe country, it just doesn't give me a sense of security about leaving my laptop unattended for a week. If I'm to carry it home, I have to get a new laptop case as my 15.4" Dell laptop doesn't come with a case. I bought a laptop sleeve but it's of minimum protection to my laptop, which I worried that it couldn't "survive" in the long journey home.
I'm taking a 10-hour coach as flight ticket is too expensive and it just doesn't quite worth it to take a flight to Penang. It will probably take around 6 hours or more including check-in and transit. Whoa, that's too much time to spend for such an expensive option.
So, waking up at 6 in the morning and blogging about my worry over the journey. Lame!!! It's just as lame as the city lifestyle here.

Bukit Timah Hiking Trip

2008-11-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

I needed some work out after that heavy Indian dinner. So, here's the photos from my Bukit Timah trip on the next day after that dinner. It was a fun trip for someone like me who enjoy the nature after working in the cold but rather dull office facing the monitor for more than 8 hours daily for 5 days. Though I had aches on my legs and arms and even my back after the hiking, I'm looking forward to the next adventure in Singapore!

The giant ants - each of them is about 1 inche long.

Indian dinner

2008-11-15T23:12:00.000+08:00

Last Friday, me and other eight colleagues went for Indian dinner at Little India. The restaurant is a cosy one with good environment and reasonably tasty food. So sorry there isn't any photos of the food we had as we all were too excited about eating Indian food with our hands for the first time in life (at least for most of us as there were Korean, Singaporeans, Malaysians and Chinese among us). Here's the list of food we had:
1) Naan
2) Curry fish head
3) Mysore mutton (hope I didn't spell it wrongly)
4) Tika chicken
5) Mango lassi
and another one or two dishes which I couldn't remember the name.
It was really fun to enjoy the dinner the Indian way - with hands. We all laughed so much making the dinner too heavy for all of us. Why were we laughing? We were laughing at each other of the way we eat with our hands with all the rice & gravy all over our fingers. It sounds yucky the way I describe it, but we didn't feel anything but fun. Haha

After the dinner, we all went to Geylang, the famous red light district of Singapore. We all dare not walk into the alleys, so we ended up having the famous Rochor tau hua and went home after walking along Geylang main street. Many Ah Bek and girls with sexy clothes sitting in the kopitiams, eateries, etc. I don't feel pleasant walking there, but it's a good opportunity to have a look of the other side of Singapore, besides being an advanced and organized city.

This photo was taken by an 'en dau' Indian guy (very good looking indeed) at the Gayatri Restaurant.

Horror Movie

2008-11-12T21:30:00.000+08:00

Horror movie used to be one of my favourite movie genres. I enjoyed the excitements and fears it brings me. However, I've not have the gut to watch it anymore since I moved to Singapore and staying alone in the small room.

My mum used to say that I'm the bravest one among my siblings. I would've watch the horror movies, ghost movies and then go to bed alone. I had no fear of sleeping alone in the room before my sisters coming to bed. Now, I'm staying alone. So, I try to avoid watching any horror movies. I'm afraid of waking up from nightmare in midnight and surrounding by fear in darkness.

When I was young, I used to have this dream, Japanese dead soldiers killing people in my dream. I had that same dream for years. I believe it was the inspiration I get from the Hong Kong horror movies. I also had this dream of myself running in the corridor at my old house. It is the corridor of my house, but, with a big deep hole in the middle of it and the corridor seems to have no end. I was chased by ghost or something which I can't remember at all, and I was running along the corridor and keeping myself from falling into that deep big hole. I would wake up in great fear every time I had these dreams. I was only four or five years old.

Then, I stopped having that dreams after my family moved to the new house. But, I had other nightmares. Also, I used to wake up in midnight and felt that the window which is only a few feet away from me to be so far away. It was such a bad feeling. Creepy.

Even though I've not had that feeling and nightmares for quite some time, I fear that they will come to find for me again as I'm staying alone now. There will be no one there for me if I ever wake up from nightmares in the middle of the night. :(

I miss my sisters so much, even though I wanted to have the bedroom for myself at times.

18 October 2008, Saturday

想家

2008-11-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

走出地铁站，站在人群里，子莹感觉有点茫然。

在这个城市中生活近三个月了，她还是无法适应那紧凑的生活节奏和那什么时候都似乎不会减少的人群。她生长在一个介于城市与乡村之间的小岛上，那里的生活节奏不急不缓的，人群没有城市般拥挤，却也不像乡村那样寥寥可数。想着想着子莹又想念她的家乡—槟岛了。

“唉…”她轻轻叹了一声，声音小得自己几乎都听不见了。自从来到新加坡后，脑子和心每天都在打仗，挣扎于留下来还是回家，心思徘徊在咬紧牙根熬下去和回家另寻出路之间，没有一刻停过。工作了一天，眼睛累得快睁不开了，手肘关节因为长时间敲打键盘正隐隐作痛。每个星期四、五，她总是觉得特别的压抑。一整个星期累积下来的压力她再也无法承受了，食物是最方便的解压方法。

在小食中心里绕了一圈，还是不知道该吃什么好，没有一种食物能够引起她的食欲。突然她想起了来自印度尼西亚的同事说过这里的印度尼西亚料理很道地很美味，就决定了要尝试一下那很有名气的Ayam Penyet。其实，她最想吃的是槟岛的亚三叻沙，可是在这个城市里整个地球的料理都有，唯独槟岛美食难找。

写于2008年10月31日，未完

Pulau Ubin Cycling Trip

2008-11-01T19:35:00.000+08:00

Okay, I know this post is outdated, but please don't complain. I was too tired clearing all the backlog deals I have in my folders. Busy is the only word to describe the past one week.

Here's the photos my friends took during our Pulau Ubin cycling trip last Sunday. It was fun cycling in the kampung in one of the Singapore's islands, looking at the 1960s Singapore. This is my first time to ride on the bumpy roads with rocks and sands on them. There were 11 of us and I get to know a few more new friends. And we had a nice seafood lunch, it was cheap for only $27.50 each!

We're on a bumboat heading to Pulau Ubin from Changi ferry point.

We get ourselves maps before starting our adventure. But, none of us actually read that map once we get up on the bikes. We just cycle and stop for the direction maps on the roadside.

Here we are before our journey begins, all smiling!!! You'll see how we look like after few hours of cycling in the next few pics. :P

This is me on the bike and with my Korean colleague behind me.

Here's the photo of all the leng lui of the day.

And here are all the leng chai.

This is the 1960s toilet. The aunty selling coconuts said "You may go if you're daring enough." when my friends asking where the toilet is. None of us dare to use it. I didn't even dare to walk near it.

Enjoying the chilling coconut water.

This is the famous must-call dish in Singapore - Chilli Crab!!! But it's not my favourite dish as the gravy is not hot and salty enough.

This is my favourite, the fish is so sweet and fresh!

I think I ate a quarter of this - fried daun ubi with sambal. As my friends are mainly from China, they don't fancy sambal dish.

Steam squid, the dish I ordered. Not bad, but the portion is too little for the 11 of us.

Ma po tau fu. Very hot leh, the taste is just so so.

Fish soup. Nice!!!

The Caucassian girls at next table were building a tower out of the cans. We contributed our cans too.

We all eating like hungry ghosts after a more than an-hour-wait for the food to come.

See how clean the plates are!

HSBC Tree Top Walk

2008-10-11T18:13:00.000+08:00

Finally I have something to write about my adventure in Singapore after staying here for two months. This is the first time I've done something totally new in my life – jungle trekking with new friends that I've never met with before, and there were ten of them. Today, I went jungle trekking with ten new friends who I've not met with before. Last week, my Chinese colleagues invited me to go jungle trekking with them. At first, I thought they will bring some of their friends together. Eventually, some of them have not met with each other at all, and most of them know each other through online forums and traveling trips. Never in my life I get to know so many new friends at a time. It's a totally new experience for me. I've never imagine myself jungle trekking with so many first-met friends. I start to enjoy the life of being home and away. I wish I have joined my colleagues for weekends activities long before. It's so comfy staying home with family members, but I shall never have this experience if I have not come here alone. The trekking path was not as challenge as the easiest one in Penang, but it's a precious one as I get to know ten new friends at a time, and most of them are from China, one from Hong Kong and another from Taiwan. This gives me an opportunity to learn what globalization is. Most of them have been to so many places and they are adventurous. The guy from Hong Kong is an adventurous one, he has experienced diving, skiing, mountain climbing, etc. and is planning to hike Kilimanjaro in Africa. This is the most enjoyable Saturday I have since I stepped into Singapore. I'm looking forward to more adventurous weekends with these new friends of mine. ;)

04/10/08, Saturday

My Bata Slipper...

2008-10-11T18:01:00.001+08:00

This will be my all-time best friend in my adventures in Singapore. :P

The Internet Connection

2008-10-11T17:53:00.000+08:00

At last, I've finally got my Internet connection at home. After waiting for 3 weeks for the USB modem, I decided to ask around at other stores in the neighbourhood today.
Surprisingly the shop assistant of the first store I stepped into to make some queries on the mobile broadband package told me the modem has never been running out of stocks. He said the modems are always ready for customers who sign up on the spot. I felt like a dumb for that moment as I've been carrying my 15.4 inches-screen laptop walking 10 minutes to the library for 3 weeks. Damn it! What kind of service is that?! The store that actually told me to wait for the modem is the biggest Singtel "exclusive" retailer in the neighbourhood.
Now I've got my own Internet access at home, I shall start telling my adventures or lonely life in Singapore on my blog. So, what I've been doing for the past 72 days in Singapore?
Shopping. That's all I've been doing for the first month besides working! I spent all my weekends walking in shopping malls, NTUC and Shop n Save. Of course, most of the time I was window shopping. Things I've bought are toiletries and food. The only weekend that I actually bought something during my shopping was the one that I went alone. I bought 2 pair of cargo-material pants and a pair of jeans. These are the most expensive items I've ever bought for myself. The cargo-material pants each costs me S$25 and the jeans cost me S$39.50. All 3 items are at 70% discount. But what to do?! It was raining almost every day, the 2 pair of jeans I brought with me started to stink.
Johor Bahru trips. I've been to Johor Bahru for 3 times up until today. For the first trip, I went with a friend who went JB for banking matters. I just followed her so that I'll know how to go JB myself in future. Two weeks later, I went again to check out the cash deposit machine at Maybank branch. It does sound a bit weird, but I'm the one who always opt for the safe way. So, I deposited all the Malaysian currencies that was left. Oh, and I went for a movie at the cinema in City Square. I watched Money No Enough alone and cried over the scenes where the old grandma who has alzheimer looking for her Mickey Mouse bra at midnight. It's as if I'm seeing my own grandma. Eventually, I missed my family so much for that weekend and cried.
Adventure. The only adventure I've had so far is the HSBC Tree Top Walk trip with my colleagues and their friends. I got to know 10 new friends during the trip. They all love adventures and hiking. Though the tree top walk was not as challenging as I hoped it would be, I had fun knowing new friends.
Since I got my laptop and copied a few TVB drama series in it, I've been spending my after-work hours watching dramas. :P It feels like I'm in Toowoomba again - my university life.
Now I'm looking forward to the Pulau Ubin bicycle ride next week with my new friends. :D

What a discovery!

2008-06-26T16:14:00.000+08:00

My boss who is leaving soon was called into a discussion with the deputy general manager. He spent around an hour talking with the DGM. To be particular, he was pouring out all his dissatisfactions since…

He came out from the DGM’s room and I skyped him. He told me I might be called in to talk with the DGM too, since I’m leaving soon. So, I started to draft my ‘essay’. As I’m lazy to write all of them in proper sentences, I mindmapped all that I have in mind.

Oops, I don’t have that much to complain indeed. For the past 15 months, all that I’m so unhappy with can be concluded in 5 paragraphs. That’s weird. How come I’ve been feeling so unhappy?! Probably it’s the snowball effect, my own complaints topped up with other colleagues complaints, making it seems like I have so much to complain about.

What a discovery! Should start to consider writing all that I’m unhappy with in blog, diary or anything just to keep them recorded. Guess it will help me to maintain an objective view in life.

《第三代》(2006)

2008-06-22T09:18:00.002+08:00

《第三代》(2006)
导演：何志良
主演：张栋梁、苏慧敏、谢丽萍

夹着首部大马中文电影美名的《第三代》，年前在槟岛拍摄时，就获得本地报章大篇幅报导，今年正式上映时更是在各大媒体大肆宣传，几乎无人不知。

我是满心期待地进入电影院观赏这部电影，没想到却是极其失望地步出电影院。电影开场后的三十分钟，就有接近四分之一的观众离场。我和家人却本着艺术电影的前段通常都是极其沉闷的想法，继续观赏。

当电影结束时，我无法不承认这部标榜纯本地制作的中文电影实在是不堪入目。我甚至形容其为一部未完成的学生实验作品。

整部电影，几乎无一可取之处。沉闷的情节，已经是一大败笔，最甚的是电影无法带出其欲表达的主题，更没有一个故事，简直是不知所云。演员方面，更是差劲。整部电影中，只有饰演陈利父亲的郑锦昌和饰演妹妹的艾芬是懂得演戏的演员。可是，郑锦昌在电影中的表现也出乎意料的差，想必是无可发挥的剧本和导演所造成。

三位主角毫无水准可言的演出，配搭长镜头，简直让观众看得一头雾水。导演无视于演员差劲的演出，坚持使用长宽镜头，弃用商业电影常用的脸部特写，根本无法达到预期的肢体语言渲染效果。希望导演清楚知道，那三位主角并非王家卫大导演的御用班底－－梁朝伟和张曼玉。

在此奉劝《第三代》之制作班底，务必放弃参加康城影展之念头，免得让大马人蒙羞。此作品简直不登大雅之堂！

2006年1月15日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《第三代》(2006)

2008-06-22T09:18:00.001+08:00

《第三代》(2006)
导演：何志良
主演：张栋梁、苏慧敏、谢丽萍

当电影结束时，我无法不承认这部标榜纯本地制作的中文电影实在是不堪入目。我甚至形容其为一部未完成的学生实验作品。

在此奉劝《第三代》之制作班底，务必放弃参加康城影展之念头，免得让大马人蒙羞。此作品简直不登大雅之堂！

2006年1月15日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《一一》(2000)

2008-06-22T09:14:00.001+08:00

《一一》(2000)
编剧/导演：杨德昌
主演：吴念真、李凯莉、金燕玲、曾心怡、戴立忍、萧淑慎

《一一》是一部剧情非常缓慢的伦理片，但对于我来说剧情虽然很慢，但却带出了现今社会真实的一面。

我们的社会生病了，我们也生病了，就有如《一一》里的人物一样，我们在面对着生活中的一切时，很多时候我们都不知道要怎么去面对，更甚的是我们以为自己已经把问题解决了，但其实不然。

影片里的洋洋虽然只是一个小孩子，但他是影片里把事情看得最透彻的人物。洋洋在婆婆昏迷时不肯跟婆婆说话，导致母亲非常生气。洋洋在婆婆的葬礼中，对婆婆说的那一番话却令观众深思－洋洋认为他所能给婆婆说的，婆婆都已经知道了。我想，这是因为我们每天都在重复地做同样的事情，而且每一个人都是几乎一样的，那么婆婆已经活了这么久，她对其他人的一切已经了如指掌，所以没必要再跟她说了。

相机在这部电影里成了洋洋把自己的想法告诉别人的一种管道。在车上的一幕，洋洋问爸爸要怎样才能让别人知道自己看到了什么和怎样知道别人看到了什么，爸爸说相机拍下来的照片就能解决这一个问题。同一件事情，每个人的看法都不同，所看到的事实的那一面也不同。我们没有看到事情的全部，我们只看到了事情的一部分。我们都懂得在下任何定论前应该了解事情的全部，但是我们却经常忘了这个道理。电影里最具代表性的人物就是洋洋的老师，他是一个典型的“只有我讲没你讲”的典型老师。洋洋带气球去学校，却被学长向老师告状，说他带避孕套。老师在没有进行任何调查的情况下，就指定洋洋带避孕套去学校。最后老师发现自己弄错了，却没向洋洋道歉，反说是自己这一次放过洋洋。身为老师的没以身作则，教学生要以谁作榜样呢？在电影中，老师只不过是一个代表，长辈（或所谓的“大人”）的代表。在现实生活中，许多以长辈自称的，很多时候都没以身作则，却要小辈听他的，这不是误人子弟吗？更甚的是长辈教我们要勇于认错，但他们在小辈面前做错了，却不曾认错，这教做小辈的如何做呢？长辈的以权威把小辈压得矮矮、小小的，有理也说不清，久而久之道理就成了名存实亡。只要是长辈，就得听他的，不用讲道理了！

这部电影一再地提醒我们，生活在这个社会里的人，生活贫乏，每天只不过在重复做着同样的事情。阿迪和敏敏跟婆婆说话，才发现原来自己每天都很忙，其实都是在重复做着同样的事情，所以一天24个小时只需几句话就说完了。小时候的我们总觉得每样事物都很新鲜，但长大了，似乎好奇心不见了，对任何事物都不感兴趣。是我们看腻了同样的事物，还是这个世上已经没有任何新奇的事物，还是令有原因呢？我认为应该是这个物质社会令我们失去了生活。我们每天都不停地工作、上课……因为我们要拥有更多的物质。现在的我们认为物质上的享受就是享受生活，我们忘了生活的真正意义。生活中除了物质，还有精神。我们不应该只是做同样的事情，我们应该做更多不同的事情，让自己真正地体验生活。

现在我们都说科技拉近了彼此间的距离，但事实并非如此。影片里NJ在答话机留言，他说幸亏那是答话机，否则他会吞吞吐吐地。很多时候，我们对着机器说话比对着活生生的人说话还要流利，这是为什么呢？是我们习惯了对着冰冷的机器说话吗？不，这都是因为我们害怕面对活生生的人。如果没有了这些帮我们传话的机器，我们就被迫要对着活生生的人说话，这可真正地把我们彼此间的距离拉近了。

观赏过这部电影后，我想大家都应该重新对生活作一番思考，想想我们要怎么过我们的生活。思考虽然会令我们看到许多问题的存在，令我们感到很烦，但却会令我们认真地为自己作出选择。往后的日子里，当我们回头看时，才不会后悔。

2002年10月21日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《迷魂记》Vertigo (1958)

2008-06-22T09:12:00.000+08:00

《迷魂记》Vertigo (1958)
导演：阿尔弗雷德·希区柯克 Alfred Hitchcock
主演：詹姆斯·斯图尔特 James Stewart
　　　金·诺瓦克 Kim Novak
　　　巴巴拉·贝尔·戈迪斯 Barbara Bel Geddes

《迷魂记》给我的第一个印象是很沉闷，这是因为它的剧情一点都不紧张，而且显得缓慢。这都是因为习惯了节奏快速的现代电影所造成的，这也让我觉悟到现代人那快速的生活环境造成我们都很急性子，无法接受节奏缓慢的事物。

《迷魂记》整部电影就是围绕着男主角John和女主角Madeleine。 John在查案的过程中，爱上了Madeleine。这一情节的安排除了是要让故事继续走下去外，也带出了社会的保守。如果Madeleine并不是假扮的，身为Gavin Elster妻子的她，导演会否让她爱上John呢？当时的社会又能否接受这一情节的安排呢？

片中Mitch对John主动追求，到了最后仍无法得到John的接受，是否又是导演再一次籍电影告诉观众，女性应该是矜持的，不应采取主动？在观赏这部电影时，Mitch把自己的画像画得象Carlotta的画像一样这一情节令班上的同学发笑；我们也觉得Mitch为了John所做出的一切，有点傻，而且有点难以接受；这一切意味着活在21世纪的我们，并没有跟着时代的转变而变得更开放；我们还是那么的保守，无法接受女性在一段关系中采取主动。

John深爱着柔情似水的Madeleine，当他遇见Judy时，他想尽办法把Judy打扮得与Madeleine一样。他这么做是因为他爱的是Madeleine的打扮，而不是她的人。这可以从他与Judy一起多天，但他却不知Judy与 Madeleine就是同一人中得知。若你曾经深爱某人，当某人以另一种形象出现时，你和他又是靠得那么的近，你会完全没察觉到眼前的人与之前的人是同一人吗？除非你不曾真正的爱过他。

当John确定Judy就是Madeleine时，他已经失去理智地硬要逼Judy说出真相。John已经知道真相，他只不过是要Judy对她让自己受到社会歧视的眼光感到愧疚。虽然人会因为被自己深爱的人欺骗而不好受，但如果John真的是深爱Judy，我相信他不会那么的咄咄逼人，最后更间接的害死了Judy。

这部电影带着很重的父权主义意识，电影中男女不平等的社会正是当时男女不平等社会的写照。这可从John对电影中三位形象、性格不同的女性的对待看出。Mitch与Judy都是较有主见的现代女性，而Madeleine则是柔情似水、小鸟依人的。虽然Judy与Madeleine是同一人，但两人的形象、性格却出入很大。John喜欢Madeleine和把Judy打扮成Madeleine的举动，已足以表现John喜欢柔情似水、小鸟依人的女性。导演籍电影间接地带出男性喜欢柔情似水、小鸟依人的女性，有主见、自主的女性到最后只会落得被忽略的下场。

2002年10月7日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《变蝇人》The Fly (1986)

2008-06-22T09:11:00.000+08:00

《变蝇人》The Fly (1986)
导演：大卫·柯能堡David Cronenberg
主演：杰夫·高布伦Jeff Goldblum
　　　和吉娜·戴维斯Geena Davis

《变蝇人》(The Fly)是让人看了觉得恶心的一部电影。影片讲述一名科学家在试验中因小小的意外而导致自己变成了人类和苍蝇的混合体。

我想这部电影令人恶心，并不纯粹只是它的特技化装，最重要的是影片中那一幕又一幕令人觉得恶心的镜头让观众有同感。那一幕－当已变成了变蝇人的Brundle在酒吧里与人“拗手瓜”时，Brundle拗断了那人的手。Brundle拗断那人的手的镜头令人为之尖叫，本人甚至从座位弹起。这都是因为拍摄得太逼真了吗？不，是因为观众看到后也为那人感到万分疼痛。我想观众在看到影片中的人受到肉体上的折腾时都会产生同感，因为观众可能拥有同样的经验，若不也能想象得到那人当时所受的痛楚。

另一幕则是Brundle在浴室内剥落指甲。当观众看着影片中的人物时，会联想到自己的指甲被剥落时的痛楚。这部电影能让我看了多次后还是觉得很恶心是因为片中的角色是一个人类（虽然Brundle那时已是人类和苍蝇的混合体，但开始时他是以人类的形象出现的），所以会感同身受，把片中人物和自身联想在一起。

当Veronica拥抱已是变了形的Brundle时，观众会感到难以接受是因为观众难以想象自己就是Veronica。这是因为观众在观赏电影时，并不会完全置身其外，而是不知不觉中融入了自己的情感，甚至把自己联想成电影中的人物。

Brundle从原本的善良变成为了救自己而牺牲女友及自己骨肉的可恶角色，我想这并不纯粹是角色循序转变的安排，而是导演刻意要强调人类与禽兽、昆虫等非人类之间的分别而安排的。一直以来人类以本身具有人性为傲，而把被视为没有“人性”的其他动物贬低。影片中一再强调“人性”，这包括了原本是下流、无耻的Borans（Veronica前男友兼上司），在最后竟然舍身救Veronica；还有的就是Veronica对Brundle的爱，虽然Brundle自私地要以Veronica和孩子的性命来换回自己的性命或者应该说是较多的人类基因，但她在生死关键时刻，对Brundle依依不舍，还犹豫是否要杀死 Brundle。

Brundle体内虽然拥有人类的基因，但在影片中“他”却是代表着非人类，因为苍蝇的基因已掩盖了“他”体内的人类基因而造成“他”“兽性大发”。Brundle在成了变蝇人后，“他”的一举一动已不再是人类的举动了，最后“他”为了要救自己而牺牲自己的骨肉和女友更是把“兽性”发挥得淋漓尽致。这一安排是要把人类和非人类作一个对比，凸显“人性”的崇高。

这部电影的拍摄手法是朴实的，导演以简单、不花巧的镜头把故事带出。镜头的类型、动态只是很普通的特写、远景、推拉镜头等等，并没有加入太多的特别效果。整部电影以紧凑的结构取胜，没有出现多余的镜头，让观众紧追着故事的发展。

这部电影让人看了会对科学试验感到害怕，甚至恐惧，因为人们会担心科学试验因意外出错而酿成严重的灾难，危害人类的安全。许多科幻片都以类似的题材提出对某些科学研究的质疑，反映人类对未知世界和科学研究结果的恐惧。

2002年10月14日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《碧海情深》Le Grand bleu (The Big Blue) (1988)

2008-06-22T09:09:00.000+08:00

《碧海情深》Le Grand bleu (The Big Blue) (1988)
导演：陆克·贝松 Luc Besson
主演：罗赞娜·阿凯特 Rosanna Arquette
　　　让·雷诺 Jean Reno
　　　让-马克·巴尔 Jean-Marc Barr
　　　塞尔吉奥·卡斯特里托 Sergio

从故事结构来看，The Big Blue 并不象一般的好莱坞式商业电影。它不象The Fly般拥有一个大前提 (premise) －男主角变了变蝇人。在故事一开始时，Jacques 和Enzo之间的冲突，令观众认为他们俩将会在赛事中一较高下；而Enzo也将会是个典型的大坏蛋，不断加害于Jacques。可是在这部电影中，故事并没有这样的发展下去。虽然Enzo和Jacques还是在赛事中一较高下，可是他们俩却是非常要好的朋友，他们之间的较量是一种良性竞争。他们两人只是尽本身最大的能力以战胜对方。Enzo不但没有加害于Jacques，他更多次的帮助Jacques。这包括了送机票给Jacques、协助 Jacques偷窃海豚等。因此，这部电影并没有一个大前提，故事并没有提出任何一个问题以待解决。这一点让整部电影拥有另一种有别于好莱坞电影的特色。

在这部电影里并没有明显的高潮，整部电影的节奏都是平平的。但相较于同样没有明显高潮、节奏平平的《一一》，这部电影却让观众不那么的沉重和沉闷。这都是因为导演在电影中加入了许多搞笑的元素，最重要的是Enzo这个角色是这部电影的催化剂。Enzo这个角色的塑造，从他的一举一动就能把观众带入状况。他的出现经常都把观众引得发笑，也让观众没因沉闷的剧情而睡着，反而把观众带回电影中。例如（一）小时候的Enzo在跟Jacques抢钱币时，他在潜下海里前，他那趣怪的呼吸动作；（二）Enzo驾着他的老爷车出现；（三）Enzo的潜水装的设计等等。

鲜明的人物塑造也是电影中另一商业元素。这部电影中，每个角色的特点都在镜头前被放大了，虽然鲜明的人物塑造可以让观众更容易捉摸角色、故事的发展，但这同时也减低了其真实性。一个人身上的某些特征、特点并不是那么的明显、引人注目的，很多时候需要时间去发觉。在大部分的商业电影里，角色的特点、特征都会被导演放大，以鲜明的造型、性格呈献在观众前，以引起注意、共鸣。

Jacques很明显的是一个不多话的人，而且除了海洋、海豚可以引起他的兴趣外，其他的事情他都不是那么的感兴趣。这可从他小时候在船上，叔叔问他问题、给他讲故事时，他一点都不感兴趣的那一幕看出。到了在雪地的那一幕时，他是以很酷的形象出现的。在整部电影中，Jacques的表情、情绪都是很平淡的，并不会把自己内心的情绪完全表露出来。相反的，Enzo和Johana却是喜怒哀乐形于色，所有的情绪都会从脸部表情、肢体语言表露无遗。

Johana是一个粗枝大叶，有点傻气的女生。从她第一次出现在银幕上，我们已经可以知道她是怎么样的一个角色。在火车上，从她尝试和土著沟通到她下火车的那一段时间里，导演已经把这个角色的特征、性格很明显地呈献在观众的眼前。当她遇见Jacques时，她所有的情绪都表露在她的脸部表情和举动里。当她发现Jacques要离开时，她裹着睡包跳到窗前的这一幕，就把她那笨拙的一面明显的呈献在观众眼前。当她回到纽约的家时，拿着Jacques的心跳图，思念着Jacques的这一幕就展现了她那傻气。

人物的塑造令这部电影比起同样是节奏平平的《一一》更容易让观众投入，因为这部电影里拥有鲜明的角色，而《一一》里的角色性格并没有被明显地突出。鲜明的角色令观众在观赏电影时，不需太多的思考；而没突出其角色性格的电影，观众则需慢慢地观察、分析电影中的角色。这无疑的就会让某些纯粹只想放松心情，从电影中获得娱乐的观众比较投入和喜欢像The Big Blue这样的电影。

2002年10月28日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《千与千寻》Spirited Away (2001)

2008-06-22T09:04:00.000+08:00

《千与千寻》Spirited Away (2001)
导演：宫崎骏 Miyazaki Hayao
　　　Kirk Wise

My first impression of “Spirited Away” is this anime is presented like a feature film. All the characters and things are very details. Although the place of the story happens is an imagination, but it is closer to the real world. In my opinion, the difference between an anime and feature film is anime will have more space of illusionary.

Chihiro, a girl who is moving to her new home, trapped in another world which is different from the human’s world. In this story, Chihiro faces with many problems when she is trying to save her parents who have turn into pigs after eating the food from that world.

The first plot point is when Chihiro and her parents walk through the tunnel at the beginning of the story. This brings her and her parents to another world, which is unknown.

The second plot point is when Chihiro is going down the staircases to look for Kamaji. This brings her into the bathhouse as worker and her journey to save her parents starts here.

The third plot point is when Chihiro let No Face come into the bathhouse. No Face brings her helps and also problems.

The fourth plot point is when Chihiro is trying to save Haku while the paper birds chase him. This brings her to the journey of saving herself, parents and Haku.

In this story, it is weird that Chihiro will be help by others while she is facing problems. In my opinion, that is unrealistic. In reality, others won’t help us every time when we need it. How can she be so lucky?

The weirdest is when Chihiro went to apologize to Zeniba (Haku steals her seal), Zeniba does not angry with her. Zeniba acts differently in the previous part. When she is in Yubaba’s office, she is asking Chihiro to hand over Haku. How would a person act so differently without any reason?

The story does not tell who is No Face, where is he come from and why is he come. In my opinion, this is the shortcoming of the whole story. The audience will wonder who is he, why is he there …this makes the audience confused.

In “Spirited Away”, characters such as Chihiro, Haku, Yubaba and other main characters are exquisitely illustrated and designed. The looks of the characters show characters’ personalities. For example, Haku with green hair and very stylish is a strong person. While Chihiro is a girl, who is weak and not independent, we can know it from her look - she is so puny.

The look of Yubaba is a very typical Western witch look – a face full with wrinkles, big nose and also big mouth. Her look will afraid the audience.

In “Spirited Away”, things around the environment are clearly illustrated and very details. For example, in the beginning, when Chihiro and her parents walk through the tunnel and reach a hall, through the environment we know that this hall is abandoned. The candlestick and the leaves on the floor portrayed it.

Another is the Yubaba’s office. Her office is decorated beautifully. Through the decorations on the doors, we knew that Yubaba is a very powerful person.

All this is to create a more realistic world. Details of the environment show the authentic of the imagination world in the story.

In “Spirited Away”, without dialogue, just the music, it brings the emotion. In the scene at the beginning, when Chihiro is in the car, the music is slow and sad. This is because Chihiro missed her friends in her old hometown.

When she is going ahead to Yubaba’s office, the music brings the tension mode. We will be very wonder and tension of what is going to happen next.

When Chihiro riding on Haku’s back from Zeniba’s home to the bathhouse, the music is rapid, but when they are flying in the sky and Chihiro remembered Haku’s real name and their first met, the music becomes slow and touching.

At the end when Chihiro on her way leaving the bathhouse, the music is slow and soft. It sounds relax because Chihiro and her parents are safe, but it sounds sad also because Chihiro has to separate with Haku and she does not know whether she is going to see him again.

Written on 23 September 2002
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《大都会》Metropolis (2001)

2008-06-22T09:01:00.000+08:00

《大都会》Metropolis (2001)
导演：Rintaro

人类和人类制造出来的机械人间到底是怎样的一种关系？
在《大都会》里，Metropolis是一个由人类和机械人构成的一个城市。人类社会又分成上层和中下层社会。

上层社会的人类可以享用丰富的社会资源，运用机械人来减轻他们的工作。可是中下层社会的人类却因为机械人的出现而工作机会被剥夺。动画片中带出了社会的不公平，更显现出弱肉强食的现象。

Duke Red 和President Boone为了巩固本身的权力、地位而利用及杀害中下层社会的人类。片中带出了当掌权者争权夺利时，无辜的人民将会成为牺牲品。

Duke Red为了征服全世界而聘请被通缉的Dr. Laughton为他制造超人类Tima。可是Duke Red的义子Rock却想尽办法毁灭Tima。虽然Duke Red和Rock原是站在同一阵线的，但为了本身的利益，他们翻脸了。在片中，人都是自私的，到了最终还是以本身为主，以自己为中心。

Ken-ichi，陪伴叔叔Shunsaku Ban侦探查案的他救了被Rock追杀的Tima。两人也发生了一段恋情。

中下层社会因不堪生活困苦，发动了毁灭机械人的改革行动。他们的改革行动却被President Boone利用为逮捕Duke Red的时机。可是President Boone被下属出卖了。Duke Red最终夺取了掌控Metropolis的大权。

Tima和Ken-ichi的恋情与毁灭机械人的改革行动形成了一个很大的对比。一方面人类接收机械人为有思想的、有感情的，而不是纯粹只是一种人类制造出来的物品；另一方面人类却把机械人当成仇敌，而且把机械人看成是人类制造出来的无思想、无感情的物品。可是在片中，机械人Fifi为了救Tima和Ken-ichi而为他们挡子弹，Pero因阻止毁灭机械人的改革行动而被毁灭都显现出机械人已不再纯粹是人类制造出来的物品，而是有感情、有思想的。更甚的是，与Rock及反机械人行动的领导人Atlas比较起来，机械人比人类更有感情、思想。人类却是残酷的，为了本身的利益而不顾他人，眼中只有自己的存在，其他的都是障隘。

Duke Red要Tima掌控Ziggurat一征服全世界。当Tima控制Ziggurat时，却因为人类对机械人的不平等对待而以毁坏Ziggurat作为对人类的报复。有一天，当人类有能力制造出具有思考能力的机械人时，人类是否还能控制这些机械人？如果机械人已不受人类控制，那又会是一个怎样的局面？人类会反被机械人控制吗？抑或这个地球会因为机械人不受控制而被破坏，甚至消失呢？

Tima是一个拥有特别性能的机械人，她与一般机械人不同，她拥有与人类一样的新陈代谢系统－她的头发会生长，她会长大…但她始终是一个需要电力来启动的机械人。她是人类的高科技产品，她有感情和具思考能力。

Tima是片中的中心人物，虽然她在片中的地位是需要其他角色来扶持的，可是她却象征着机械人的转捩点－近乎人类的具思考能力及情感的机械人。她带出了片中的主题－人类与机械人间的关系。如果机械人纯粹是一件没有情感、没有思考能力的物品，那就不会产生任何的疑问、矛盾，因为“它”就纯粹的是一件物品。

片中她一直认为自己是人类，因为她与人类一样有感情及具思考能力。当她知道自己是机械人时，她无法接受这个事实。她之前所见的人类对机械人的毁灭行动更令她要以毁灭人类来报复人类对机械人的不公平对待。

片中她重复地问“我是谁？”给观众提出了一个疑问－人类应该如何看待和对待一个由人类制造出来，具有思考能力和有感情的机械人？

人类自称“万物之灵”，因为人类认为自己具有思考能力及情感，而其他动物则没有。那么当机械人拥有思考能力及情感时，我们是否应该把他当成人类般看待，抑或把他当成是人类制造出来的其中一件物品呢？到了这个时候，我们又该如何区别、定义人类和机械人呢？

Rock又是一个怎么样的角色呢？片中他不断毁灭机械人，更是毁灭机械人的恐怖组织Malduk的首领。他极度憎恨机械人。在他身上，我们看到了人类丑恶的一面。人类为了继续掌控世界而毁灭被认为会造成威胁的机械人。

Rock对机械人的极度憎恨是因为他对机械人的恐惧感所造成的，他担心有一天世界会被机械人所控制，所以他先下手为强，毁灭机械人。当一个人感觉受到威胁时，再加上缺乏自信心，他就会想尽办法除掉那对他造成威胁的根源。

他要毁灭Tima也是同一原因。Duke Red对Tima的重视及疼爱令他非常嫉妒。他不甘地位让机械人给取代，所以他要除掉这个威胁。

他也是非常疼爱父亲Duke Red的，在机械人朝着Duke Red走去的那一幕，他为了保护父亲而不惜牺牲自己。

《大都会》里用了大量的对比手法。在开始时，那爵士音乐（Jazz）给人一种欢愉的心情，每个人都在庆祝Ziggurat的落成，可是之前Duke Red站在Ziggurat上发表谈话时的画面却令人有中不安的感觉。由于之前的一个画面颜色是有点发黄的，而且天空上的云层颜色是沉暗的，令人觉得是一个恐怖阴谋的开始。欢庆Ziggurat落成的场面是欢愉的，因此造成了一个很大的对比。人群间的谈话也把人类对机械人不同的看法带出，为接下来的情节铺排作一个开始。

整部动画片都是以深暗的色调为主，这象征着Metropolis是一个黑暗的城市。人类没有生气，一片死气沉沉。到了最后，Ziggurat倒塌后，颜色却鲜艳了，整个城市亮了起来，这代表着整个城市的重生。虽然整个城市满面疮痍，但鲜艳的颜色却让整个城市活了起来。

在Duke Red按下按钮的那一刻，“I Can’t Stop Loving You”这首歌响起，它象征着Rock对Duke Red的爱、Duke Red对权力的爱，也象征着Tima与Ken-ichi对对方的爱。这首歌带出了每个人心中的呐喊、遗憾…更带着一分哀伤。

在Ziggurat倒塌后，满面疮痍的城市，却是鲜艳的，这时候背景音乐也是轻松的。整个城市在经过一夜爆炸毁坏的洗礼后，获得重生了！

最后一幕，红色的收音机响起了Tima的话“我是谁？”再一次让我们去思考到底我们该如何定义和对待由人类制造出来的，具思考能力及有情感的机械人。人类与机械人间的界线又在哪里？

2002年10月2日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《蓝宇》(2001)

2008-06-22T08:59:00.000+08:00

《蓝宇》(2001)
导演：关锦鹏
主演：胡军、刘烨

《蓝宇》给我的第一个感觉是很震撼，因为一开始就出现的男性全裸镜头。可是整部电影在描述蓝宇和捍东的感情是很细腻的，也很贴切，因为他们就象是一对男女情侣一样。他们之间有甜蜜的时候，也有吵架的时候。

让我觉得更震撼的是这个故事竟然是发生在1980年代的中国。在1990年代，我们才会在电影、电视中看见同性恋的出现。可能这部电影反映的是一个更真实的情况，因为有学者发现同性恋并不是近代才有的，而是远在数百年甚至是数千年前就有的了。

《蓝宇》更把当时中国的情况－天安门事件含括在内。同性恋当时备受歧视、压制，就好象当时的学生一样。许多以中国社会作为背景的电影，都离不开贪污、打压自由等等的情况。因此，我对中国有着一定的恐惧。

对白牵动了整部电影，电影的结构是非常紧凑的。一个情节接着一个情节，根本就不会觉得有多余的画面、对白或声音的出现。整个故事讲述的是经历数年的感情，可是却只用了90分钟来呈献，时间上的跳跃并没有造成某些细节被忽略，可见整部电影是多么的浓缩、精湛。

从对白中，我们知道已经经历了多少时候。蓝宇和捍东第一次的重逢，我们可从对白中知道他们已经有多久没见面了，而且更知道那是他们自第一次的邂逅后，

第一次重逢。从对白中，我们更见到了角色的改变。捍东离婚后与蓝宇再次重逢，从蓝宇的谈话中我们看到他的改变。他不再象之前那样把情绪都表露出来，反而是沉着的，他表现冷淡，没有太大的反应。

看完这部电影后，我才发觉原来以对白作为主导的电影是那么有魅力的。以对白作为主导更是非常考功夫，否则一不小心就会把许多的情节遗漏了，或是太多的对白，尤其是无关重要的，更是令人觉得厌烦。

2002年12月5日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《攻壳机动队》Ghost In The Shell (1995)

2008-06-22T08:55:00.002+08:00

《攻壳机动队》Ghost In The Shell (1995)
导演：押井守Mamoru Oshii

Ghost In The Shell 一部我看不懂的动画。这部动画的政治意识很强，对我这个不喜欢政治，又不懂政治的人来说是一项挑战。

第一次看这部动画时，我被它那政治因素很强的剧情弄得打瞌睡。动画里的人物更是令我摸不清他们到底是机械人还是改造后拥有机械身躯的人类。

第二次看时，总算明白了动画里的社会。那是一个我无法想象，也无法接受的社会。对于我来说一个已经很难分辨出人类与机械人的社会是非常恐怖的，我们身边的任何一个“人”或应称为个体，都可能是机械人或是半机械人。我更难接受的是每个人都接受改造，身体内必有某些部分是改造的。我们为什么不能接受原有的身体，而非要改造不可？难道每个人都一定要是入水能游、出水能飞，拥有超能力？

科技是减轻人类工作负担的工具，为何人类却让它成为自己的负担？当人类接受改造，接受机械身躯，那他一生就必须定期接受检查及维修。我们原有的身躯已经是一个设计精密，系统优良的机器，为什么要以机械的来取代呢？人类是被科技所能带来的方便迷住了吗？人类是疯了吗？！

动画中那个洋人博士伸手敲打键盘的那一幕是令我觉得最恐怖及最恶心的一幕。看着从他原本十根手指破皮而出的数百、数千根钢管，我突然心里发毛。对，虽然他能很快地打字，可是却令我想起一些科幻片中的外星人。很多时候，片中的外星人也会破皮而出，那些须根什么的，粘粘的，令我觉得就象那博士的手指。

片中并没有出现纯人类，它不再探讨人类害怕被控制的恐惧。它探讨什么是生命“life”，什么是生命体“life form”。但是看完了整部片，我还是无法定义什么是生命，什么是生命体。我被它里面的那些非常科学、哲学的对白弄得混淆了，无法清晰地思考。不过，我怀疑电影、动画片所反映的人类的恐惧，是否真的的所有人的恐惧，还是只是作者、创作人本身认为那是人类的恐惧？

2002年11月25日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《风月》(1996)

2008-06-22T08:51:00.000+08:00

《风月》(1996)
导演：陈凯歌
主演：张国荣、巩俐

《风月》，一部看了令人觉得心寒的电影。爱到了最后竟然成了恨。

电影里描述的是一个与社会隔离的大家庭，虽然清朝已经灭亡，新时代的到来却没有为这个家庭带来新的制度。庞家仍然活在他们的封建制度中。

在这么样的一个封建家庭中，女人的一生是最难熬过去的。巩俐的哥哥虽然瘫痪了，她的嫂嫂一人守着他。虽然外表看来是那么地尽守妇道，但她内心却是寂寞的，她还是希望张国荣会回来把她带走。封建制度里的妇道令女人郁郁终生，她们不能主宰自己的一生，她们更不能自由恋爱，独守空房才是令人最难受的。

电影里许多的事件都在重演－－张国荣和姐姐的关系、巩俐与端午之间的关系；张国荣向姐夫下毒，最后又向巩俐下毒。我想，导演要表达的是活在一个封建的家庭里，人都无法自由，悲剧也不断地在重演。最重要的是，女人都逃不过悲惨的命运，无论是张国荣的姐姐，还是与众不同，拥有自主权的巩俐。

其中在祠堂开会的那一幕，庞安为巩俐的哥哥，一个已经是植物人的人说更是讽刺。一个已经是植物人的人还有能力表达自己的意见吗？庞安把他的意见说出来，那不过是一种形式上的尊重，只不过是一种仪式，它并不存在任何的意义。在封建社会里，许多的事情都是形式上的，实质上它是空的，都是那么的虚伪。

电影里，巩俐和张国荣都有穿着全白服饰的画面，他们是有点闪闪发亮的。我想导演是希望藉他们那与其他人不同的服饰来表达他们的与众不同。活在一个这么的封建家庭里，他们都尝试逃离，但其他人却没有。

电影里，张国荣爱巩俐，但得不到她，嫉妒让爱成了恨，最后张国荣下毒毒死巩俐。虽然到了最后张国荣后悔，想回头阻止，可是却来不及了。悲剧在这么的封建家庭里一再地重演…

2002年12月2日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《东邪西毒》(1994)

2008-06-22T08:46:00.000+08:00

《东邪西毒》(1994)
导演：王家卫
主演：张国荣、梁家辉、林青霞

王家卫的《东邪西毒》是一部需要观众将思绪准备好，才入场观赏的电影。我们必须在观赏的同时进行思考，不然就会让那跳跃式的故事情节弄得头昏脑胀，而觉得非常无聊。

电影里，每个角色都背负着太多的过去，就象现实生活中的我们。每个人都在逃避现实，黄药师喝下“醉生梦死”；慕容燕/慕容嫣的人格分裂；欧阳峰离开家园到沙漠当杀手经纪人；夕阳武士当杀手……却无法放下，受过去困扰着。

错综复杂的爱情－欧阳峰喜欢嫂子、黄药师喜欢桃花，又暗恋嫂子、慕容燕/慕容嫣喜欢黄药师等等，使每个人都痛苦地活在过去、渴望中，无法放下以前。只有洪七，他简单，所以他幸福。
导演一开始就把“醉生梦死”带出，为什么？我认为“醉生梦死”就代表着电影里的人所追寻的生活，他们痛苦，所以他们“醉生梦死”。他们以为醉着的人生，可以让他们脱离痛苦；他们渴望死，因为他们痛不欲生。“醉生梦死”也是整部电影的结构方式，亦假亦真的情节，让观众觉得虚幻。

醉了就模糊了，谁还能够分辨得如此清楚？电影中一再出现的水中倒影的镜头，就是如此。一切都是那么的虚幻，手一碰到，倒影就模糊、消失了。欧阳峰被慕容燕/慕容嫣抚摸的那一幕就是一个例子。欧阳峰把慕容燕/慕容嫣想成嫂子（张曼玉）。虽然观众明白那是欧阳峰的幻想，但我认为欧阳峰已分辨不清那人是慕容燕还是嫂子了。很多时候，我们已经不能清楚地分辨眼前的是真实还是虚幻。人对某些事物的渴望，会导致人完全沉醉在幻想中，无法抽离。

其中一个水中倒影镜头，更是带出了虚幻与现实间的界线。镜头里是一个人骑着马在水中的倒影，当人和马移动时，镜头也跟着移动，直至人和马的倒影出现在第二摊水中。这时是一个看见两摊水的镜头。我想，这个镜头除了有美感外，它也带着人从一个虚幻中，再掉进另一个虚幻中的意思。两摊水中间的土地就代表着现实，它暗喻着现实是那么的少，人总是被虚幻围绕着。慕容燕和嫂子在同一个场景里出现，时间可能不同，甚至嫂子的出现只是虚幻，但在这里时空并不重要，重要的是她们两人都是“受困”着。竹篓的影子印在慕容燕和嫂子的身上，形成了一种象是被囚禁在鸟笼或狱中的感觉。不过，被囚禁的不是她们的肉体，而是她们的灵魂。慕容燕爱上黄药师，却被黄药师抛弃，而导致人格分裂，造成慕容燕与慕容嫣两人的出现。做哥哥的慕容燕要杀黄药师；做妹妹的慕容嫣要杀哥哥，因为她认为哥哥爱她，不肯让她离开。这种局面的出现是因为慕容燕/慕容嫣内心的挣扎所造成的。慕容燕/慕容嫣理智的一面告诉自己要杀掉负心的黄药师，但另一方面她却深爱着黄药师。因此人格分裂，两个不同身份的自己在对抗，两种不同的声音、感受都得以满足。

《东邪西毒》整部电影都以偏黄色色调为主，我想这是为了配合主题－往事。电影以波涛汹涌的海和山崩的画面来开始。这里的波涛汹涌、山崩地裂并不代表着将会有灾难等重大事件发生，而是人内心的挣扎。这里人内心的挣扎造成了许多悲剧的发生－嫂子抑郁而终、黄药师喝下“醉生梦死”让自己忘却一切、夕阳武士为了要回家乡看桃花而在屠杀行动中被人杀死、慕容燕/慕容嫣人格分裂，最后更成了“独孤求败”……最后只有思想简单的洪七，没有这么多的顾虑、挣扎，所以才没有成了悲剧中的一份子。

最后要提到的是，电影中的字幕都是比较模糊的，观众很难真正地看完所有的字幕。不知是导演有意或无意，它却让观众对于某些情节拥有更大的想象空间。

2002年11月7日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《移魂都市》Dark City (1998)

2008-06-22T08:40:00.000+08:00

《移魂都市》Dark City (1998)
导演：亚力克斯·普洛亚
主演：卢夫斯·塞维尔Rufus Sewell
珍妮弗·康纳利Jennifer Connelly
威廉·赫特William Hurt
吉弗·莎瑟兰Kiefer Sutherland

Dark City是一部节奏快速，剪接快速、动感的一部电影。其中的音乐更是充满时间感。

这部电影的开场戏(teaser)是以满布星星的夜空作开始，充满神秘感，加上Dr. Schreber的独白，更是吸引人。

镜头内的光暗构成充满美感的构图。其中一幕更以灯光的光暗作为镜头间的转换 (transition) － Murdoch躺在浴缸内，镜头从一个全景到特写再到脸部大特写，间中都是以灯光摇晃后转暗来转换。

Dark City里也运用了许多象征手法 (symbolic)。这包括了Murdoch把鱼放到浴缸内，我认为它除了显示出Murdoch并非杀手，更代表着Murdoch就是那个城市的“救世主”。白老鼠在这部电影里代表着人类，也就是外星人的试验品。

Murdoch的妻子其中两次的出现都是在舞台上唱歌。那歌声是那么的孤独无助、神秘、悲哀。黑暗中孤独的背影一样显示出人类的孤独、无助。

Dark City和Matrix、Truman Show有着共同点，那就是电影里的人物之生活都被别人操控，他们的生活并不真实，甚至是个谎言。人类都害怕被操控，但很多时候我们让自己机械化的活着，就象电影中大部分的人。其实生活中是疑点重重的，但因为我们习惯性地重复同样的生活，而忘了思考，导致我们没觉察到那些疑点的存在。

不过，在许多的科幻电影中，无论是地球人还是非地球人（所谓的“外星人“），他们都是生活在群体社会中。我想群体社会中的阶层，已足以让人类被操控，不需”外星人“来操控。群体总是被一个人领导着，群体里的个体已无法完全操控自己的生活。加上群体社会中的礼教、价值观等等更令每个个体无法自由地生活。

2002年11月11日
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

《爱神一号》(1985)

2008-06-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

《爱神一号》(1985)
导演：林岭东
主演：叶倩文、郑浩南

近期迷上了翻看80、90年代的香港电影。很怀念小学时周日的中文电影时段，那时马来西亚只有三个电视台 – TV1、TV2和TV3。当时每逢周日中文电影时段，我和家人就会守在电视机前，看着那一出又一出的香港电影，喜剧片、青春片、僵尸片、鬼片、都市爱情片、武打动作片……那个年代VCR录像机还蛮普遍的，可是家里唯一的一台14寸彩色电视机就已经足够让我们一家七口看得津津有味。由于没有录像机，我们姐妹总会乖乖地把功课做完，然后准时地守在电视机前。现在家里有电脑、VCD播映机，很少有机会一家七口守在电视机前等着看电影了。

《爱神一号》（1985）是让我留下很深刻印象的其中一部电影。高大英俊的郑浩南搭配青春美丽又带点傻气的叶倩文，在我当时那小小的心灵种下了对爱情的憧憬。小时候的我总是认为恋人都是郎才女貌，而且爱情就是轰轰烈烈地跟深爱着的另一半闯过重重难关，对爱情至死不渝。嘿嘿，当时只有八、九岁的我哪懂爱情是啥呢。

电影讲述船王之女美与船业少东东尼订婚之日，美途中汽车发生意外。求援间，美令赶路的强和露连人带车滚下山坡。强欲兴师问罪，美却扬长而去。订婚礼上，美喝得酩酊大醉，混乱之中堕入水中，迷糊中爬上了游艇"爱神一号"。阿强公务在身，要在限期内把游艇送到泰国，因此不能送美先回香港。这一对冤家互不相容，迫于现实又只能同舟共济，日久竞产生了一段感情。待东尼和露发现，阿强仍竭力争取美的爱。

除了俊男美女和爱情，这部电影让我百看不厌的就是叶倩文那搞笑的演技，让我深深地迷上了她。80年代和90年代初期的港产喜剧片虽然没有好莱坞的专业水准，可是却带出了香港人那独有的尖酸刻薄和尖锐讽刺的个性，对白总是那么的“抵死”，让人拍案叫绝。反观90年代后期，由周星驰带领的无哩头文化，简直就是恶心、无聊兼白痴。最气的是白痴的不是电影人或演员，而是坐在银幕前的观众，竟然追捧如此白痴无聊的电影。

这部电影从开场到结尾都没有冷场，高潮连连，笑话不断，虽然感情刻画流于表面，但如果纯粹为了娱乐，此片绝对不会让观众失望。斗气冤家发展成情侣的故事多不胜数，编导选择了让两人困于游艇上十天，因同舟共济而互生情愫，正是抓住了千百年来人类的两性观念—孤男寡女共处一室，这可让多少的男男女女幻想连连啊。

在此特别推荐叶倩文深情演绎的主题曲《迷惑》。

迷惑

谁在这对望眼中呆住了我难道就是爱动人心窝看着迎着闪闪眼波令我想从新开始过重亮了淡退的心火谁在这对望眼中擒住了我流露着是爱默然声波我像迷住了的企鹅在你身旁痴痴的坐谁令我没法可　想不触摸每点温馨温馨的感觉在我心中心中轻扑还让脑里脑里的膈膜渐渐退落每点温馨温馨的感觉在我心中心中浅搁如在我俏俏耳边轻奏着弦乐 Music...... 谁在这对望眼中呆住了我难道就是爱动人心窝看着迎着闪闪眼波令我想从新开始过重亮了淡退的心火谁在这对望眼中擒住了我流露着是爱默然声波我像迷住了的企鹅在你身旁痴痴的坐谁令我没法可　想不触摸每点温馨温馨的感觉在我心中心中轻扑还让脑里脑里的膈膜渐渐退落每点温馨温馨的感觉在我心中心中浅搁如在我俏俏耳边轻奏着弦乐每点温馨温馨的感觉在我心中心中轻扑还让脑里脑里的膈膜渐渐退落每点温馨温馨的感觉在我心中心中浅搁如在我俏俏耳边轻奏着弦乐 Music...... * * * ---End---

2008年6月20日记
http://movieblog83.blogspot.com/

For Friends Only

2008-06-13T19:26:00.000+08:00

老友Y看了那篇“狗嘴吐不出象牙贱嘴欧巴桑”担心有天让她的组长经理看见了，会向她报复。我只好把它从Facebook里删除，因为这个世界太小了，我们俩人间可能有许多的共同友人都有Facebook。当然，这个部落格只公开给朋友，而且无名无姓，不担心会殃及Y，所以就保留了。

当然Y的担忧并非杞人忧天，因为我办公室里也有这样的主管，而且很小气，让他知道我在背后骂他，肯定会被他整死。原来做人确实不容易，简直难过登天。就连要发泄心中的委屈，也像做贼似地东藏西躲。

从今后起，我的部落格严禁公司同事到访！

都成了人肉甘蔗

2008-06-13T09:32:00.000+08:00

一星期前我在部落格公告天下，不会再为工作发牢骚了。可是，我食言了。那只能怪自己“辞不逢时”，连组长都快自己一步逃之夭夭，唯恐比别人慢了一步，那可是要倒大霉的。

辞职的事在无奈下说了出来，现在管理层就把我像甘蔗一样拼命地压榨，非要把我榨成“干蔗”不肯罢休。辞职信都还没递上，就已经尝到了那远近驰名的“甘蔗压榨术”。

周二大清早回到办公室，打开邮箱就见到了那该死的casemail，是个颇大的案子。再大的案子也难不倒我，加上期限还远着呢。怎知除了“大”，还得晚上加班，打电话到加勒比海的一个岛国骗取资料。真倒霉！加班当然没有加班费，还得晚上10时过后才能打电话过去，因为那里跟大马的时差是13个小时。

他妈的龟蛋兔崽子，竟然给这么大条“猪头骨”让我啃，得念个咒语，咒得他七孔流血。话说回来，怎么我的工作竟然跟骗取资料扯上关系呢？原因无他，全因为我工作的地方是一家吝啬兼毫无诚信的跨国公司，为了省下那笔费用，竟然要员工远洋长途电话骗取资料。真泄衰！

当然我并不是第一个尝这远近驰名的甘蔗压榨术滋味的员工，几乎每个辞职的员工都会遭此毒手。唉，唯有自我安慰，再过一个半月就不会再倒霉了。

狗嘴吐不出象牙贱嘴欧巴桑

2008-06-13T08:36:00.000+08:00

周末与老远从吉隆坡回来的老友Y聚餐时，Y对任职的公司抱怨连连。管理层朝令暮改、上司EQ低常拿下属出气，更糟的是竟然像菜市场的三姑六婆般说三道四、搬弄是非等等等。咋听之下跟我真有些同病相怜。
Y回槟前的星期五下午，组长接了一宗紧急案件必须在周一完成。由于其他组员都有案子在手，唯Y一个人手头上的工作并不赶着交货，组长硬要Y接下。Y以回乡为理由拒绝接案，怎知组长不体谅，还惊动了经理。Y坚持不肯就范，组长经理多番游说不果竟老羞成怒，板起脸孔，那脸黑得跟木炭一样。虽然她们没有当面斥责Y，但Y的组长过后竟对另一组长投诉，更说了一句极具挑衅侮辱Y的话。（此话不雅，不便透露）当时Y坐在离那两个组长不远处，听了那话后气得说不出话来。
Y向来是温文尔雅的女生，对一切的不公平对待总是忍气吞声。当然这一次也不例外。写这篇文章，主要是因为看不过眼那些拿着鸡毛当令箭的主管，并为老友打抱不平，让她看了这篇文章可以宣泄一下那压抑着无处申诉的不满与委屈。
听了Y的遭遇，我是这么说的：那些低EQ的烂主管嘴巴怎么那么贱？！Y当时是这么回答的：唉。。。（很长的一生叹气）没法子啊，谁让我遇上了一个女组长再加上一个女经理呢。
这就奇怪了，低EQ、烂主管、嘴巴贱和女主管有绝对的关联吗？还是它们是女主管的代名词呢？原来Y的理论是女主管比男主管难侍候，女主管特别斤斤计较、小气、无理取闹、情绪化。。。说了一堆女主管的坏毛病、烂习惯什么的。
当然，我是绝对不赞同Y的理论。我的前主管也是个女的，而且还是个超好人。离职年余，我们还是无所不谈的好朋友。Y的那两个女主管只是个例，绝不能以一概全。
那她们是什么类型的主管呢？不是女的，因为那只是性别，不是类型。烂主管，男女不分。（职场上男女平等，当然批评也不例外）真要归类，得让专家来。我个人称他们为“狗嘴吐不出象牙贱嘴欧巴桑”。
由于个人不爱骂脏话，所以超爱“狗嘴吐不出象牙”这一词，既骂人又文雅。

Time to Say Goodbye

2008-06-02T13:15:00.000+08:00

Have been blogging here since September last year inspired by all the dissatisfactions I have about my work and the company's management. Now, it's time to say goodbye, to my work and to all the grumbles, complaints, dissatisfactions, etc. I had for the past 14 months. Though it's a little too early to say goodbye with my job, but it's best to leave all those unhappinesses behind and to start looking forward to the new unknown workplace and work and duties, and definitely all the excitements that are waiting for me in Singapore. After all there is nothing else in this blog besides all my grumbles and unhappinesses I gained from my work.

Working in this company is very different from my previous one. Here I have only grumbles and complaints, while there I had all the sweet memories left behind which I wrote about in my Chinese blog.

Goodbye and see you all in my blog about my adventure in Singapore!!!

Moving to Singapore

2008-05-29T10:23:00.000+08:00

It's been more than 4 months I left this blog unattended. Oh, it has nothing to do with my last blog Stop Complaining. I did stop complaining...on this blog, but complaints never stop in real life. But, really hope this blog won't be the platform for me to complain about work again.

Currently preparing to move to Singapore to start a new job and a new life! Excited, really excited about being away from home, and sad too. Bet I'll miss my family very much then.

It's been more than a month since I received the Singapore offer, but I'm yet to tender my resignation. This time it's totally different from my previous resignation experience. I don't feel sad to leave. Just too pissed with the management that I can't bear to stay for another day.

Have been waking up every morning thinking how can I skip work for the day. This lasted for more than a month, it's making me crazy. Extremely low spirit at work causes me to be demotivated in all aspects in life - work, study, social activities, etc.

My boss is likely to leave sooner than me. Happy for him to be away from this junk working place. I once proud of what I do at work, but not anymore since the management given me European languages cases. Producing reports of no quality is an insult to myself and my respect for work. But, what can I do?! Management doesn't care about the quality of the reports, what they care is just the QUANTITY.

Justification is the word is learned from this job, but, too bad management care nothing about justification. All they want is we all to shut our mouth and keep PRINTING reports. (not writing reports because we've been treated as operators who print reports like machines)

Good luck to everyone who has left, is leaving, and will leave someday.

シンガポールへ行く

2008-04-04T10:13:00.000+08:00

CMの日記　４月４日（晴）
明日の晩バスでシンガポールへ行くんね！楽しみにしてる！月曜日は就職の面接就職の面接があるん。とても緊張しているね。

My First Hand Drawn Mind Map

2008-03-30T17:41:00.000+08:00

This is a mind map on Date & Period in Japanese. This is my very first complete mind map. Too bad this photo is taken using my 1.3 megapix pc phone camera. Sorry for the blurred image. :P

おなかがとても痛くなった

2008-03-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

ＣＭの日記　３月２７日（曇り）
晩御飯食べる後、おなかがとても痛かったん。トイレへ２回行った。
会社の勤務評定が始まる、とても緊張しっている。大変！

さまざまな考え事

2008-03-27T16:10:00.000+08:00

CMの日記　３月２６日（雨）

さまざまな考え事で私の頭はいっぱいだった。MBAを勉強したい、弁論大会とToastmasterに参加したい、描画するを学びたいなど、さまざまなことがあった。
どうしたらいいん？

子供のような気がした

2008-03-26T10:08:00.000+08:00

CMの日記　３月２５日（雨）
今日の夕方も雨が降っていた。オフィスの近所にスーパーと文房具屋へ買い物に行った。A3紙と色鉛筆を買った。子供のような気がした。一生の勉強の行程が始まる！

2008-03-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

悪い天気

2008-03-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

CMの日記　３月２４日（雨）
夕方から雨が降っている。悪い天気なあ。どしゃぶりので、日本語のクラスへ行けない。
今朝６時起きる予定だけど、ねぼうをしてしまった。６時４５分だった。サイクリングをしなかってしまった。アイロンをかけた。
眠いね。お休み。

Everyday Tasks

2008-03-20T09:41:00.000+08:00

Exciting Days with iMindMap

2008-03-14T13:29:00.000+08:00

Finally I bought iMindMap - the mind mapping software from the mind mapping guru Tony Buzan. Before the decision was made, I struggle for weeks. As I am a beginner mind mapper, just started to learn mind mapping few months ago. I'm still seeking my ways to create and utilise mind mapping skills to improve my memory.I struggled between paying a fairly high amount (USD 115) for the software and helping to destroy the earth faster by drawing mind maps on papers. I never regret a moment after the purchase as I could've help saving trees while learning to improve my memory (I might come out with green ideas to save more trees using iMindMap. ^u^)Anyway, I will still do hand-drawn mind maps from time to time as I discover it's more fun creating images myself.There's no doubt that with iMindMap, I'll be able to save up a lot of time spent sketching, drawing, erasing on papers.Let's have a look of the mind maps I created using iMindMap.

JLPT3に合格しました

2008-03-05T10:47:00.000+08:00

ごぶさたしています。仕事がとても忙しいですね！ごめんなさい。

２００７年日本語能力試験３級に合格しました。嬉しいですね！

金曜日、日本から学生がペナン日本語協会へ交流に来ます。私は来る予定です。でも、何を準備しますか？日本語で会話するが下手です。困ったなあ！

大変な一日

2008-02-14T22:39:00.000+08:00

今朝、とつぜん会社のサーバーのパスワードを忘れたんです。ぜんぜん覚えないので、とてもこわいですね！^_^!!!昨日の晩ビールを飲んだ、少しだけです。いつか自分のメモリをなくしますか？おそろしいですよ！

酔っぱらったようだ

2008-02-12T11:09:00.000+08:00

やああ、たいへんだ。昨日の晩酒を飲まなかったけど、今朝酔っぱらったようだ。お茶に冷たい水を入れた。眠いね。

休暇から戻る

2008-02-11T15:46:00.000+08:00

中国人の新年の休暇から仕事に戻る。ああ、疲れたね！働かないと思っている。でも、仕事がたくさんある。二分レポートを書かなければならない。大変ね！

My First Japanese Study Note in Mindmap

2008-01-23T17:56:00.000+08:00

This mindmap is currently not available due to editing. Kindly visit this blog for updates. Thanks!

Hi all, finally I've completed my first mindmap for my Japanese study note. Click here to have a look and remember to leave your comment. You're welcome to share this note with anyone.

My First Blog Brainstorming Mindmap

2008-01-20T18:11:00.000+08:00

This is my first ever published mindmap. I used this to brainstorm my PDA Japanese Dictionary blog. There will be more to come, especially mindmaps for my Japanese learning notes. Click here for the mindmap in Freemind format.

PDA Japanese Dictionary

2008-01-20T16:06:00.000+08:00

At last, I have the time to write about my new toy - PDA phone. After all the online research, I bought my PDA phone from a friend at a cheap price. So, why PDA and not deshi jisho (electronic dictionary)?

During my research, I had been to Queensbay Mall to ask about PDA phones and had the opportunity to try out an electronic dictionary from Instant. I tried the handwriting recognition feature. It just doesn't work. After all, all the electronic dictionaries that are available in Malaysia are not designed for Japanese learning. Japanese dictionary is just an add-on feature. So, it is definitely not what I am looking for.

A Japanese brand denshi jisho? I have never tried one and don't know how good it is. Since it is not available in Malaysia, I have to either buy it online (which I don't have much confidence in buying a product worth thousands through websites) or fly to Japan and get myself one. If you are interested in knowing more about the pros of PDA over a denshi jisho, go to http://www.japaneselanguagetools.com/.

After playing with the PDA phone for two weeks, I find it rather helpful than a denshi jisho. It is not only a dictionary, it is also a phone and a PDA. I started to learn MindMapping early last year, but never actually put in much effort in mastering this skill. With my PDA phone, I installed the free Pocket Freemind. It is just so cool for organizing tasks. Though the PC version is a lot more powerful, especially for creating mindmap to learn Japanese. (P/S I will show my Japanese learning notes in mindmap in this blog in the future.) And there are the mobile Outlook, Office and calendar. All these are very helpful tools. I even thought of using my PDA phone to take notes during daily meetings.

So, why it took me two weeks before I write this blog? It took me two days to get the Japanese dictionaries to work on the PDA. (If you are not IT savvy, don't even try to do this.) And another two weeks to figure out how to use the PDA to get everything done, quickly and easily. Let's see how to make my PDA phone (Windows Mobile 5 English version) to support Japanese input and Japanese dictionaries.

Firstly, get yourself a CE-Star from Mobem. It is quite an expensive software which supports Chinese and Japanese input. I got it for free as my PDA phone is a Dopod. All Dopods come with CE-Star bundled with them. There are many articles online teaching you how to hack the Windows Mobile and use Japanese input for free. You may try it if you are adventurous enough. If you are not, get the CE-Star. CE-Star has a wonderful handwriting recognition feature. However, I prefer the Japanese Input layout from Ookii.

Download this Japanese Input from Ookii. I am not quite sure if this Ookii Japanese Input works alone without CE-Star on Windows Mobile English version. I tried to install the Ookii Japanese Input without intalling CE-Star, I could run the panel and the handwriting recognition did work, but when I selected the word and copy it to the Word, it showed only a blank square. Before you install Japanese Input, you need to install a Japanese font in your PDA. Personally I prefer MSMincho. Don't copy and paste the font file on your device. Go to your Control Panel on your PC, and click into Fonts. Select the font you need, both MSGothic and MSMincho will work. Connect your device to your PC using ActiveSync. Now, open your device from PC, and go to Windows\Fonts. Drag the font file from your PC to your device. This will install the font on your device. After installing the font, copy and paste the CAB file you downloaded from Ookii to your device. Now, open the CAB file on your device, and it will run and install automatically. After the installation finish, run the Japanese Input. It will prompt you about the font. Just follow the instruction on your device. Further reading about Ookii Japanese Input and how to install Japanese font.

Now, you need to get yourself a dictionary reader software. There are many out there. I am using the EBPocket that support EPWING format. Download EBPocket free 1.29 ( free版 ) ダウンロード and unzip and install the EBPocket.PPC2003En_ARM.CAB on your device.

Lastly, download the dictionaries from Japanaselanguagetools.com. Edict, Enamdict, Kanjidic and Kanjidic2 are all the free dictionaries created by Jim Breen. Peter Rivard of japaneselanguagetools.com has them converted into EPWING files. So, just download from the website and copy to your device. Save them in the storage card. They are quite big files, especially Kanjidic2. Personally I am not using Kanjidic2 because it takes up too much space and the Kanji entries are the same with Kanjidic with strokes display. If you can read Chinese, you don’t really need Kanjidic2. Kanjidic will do.

If you want to use commercial dictionaries, you can order from japaneselanguagetools.com. Peter Rivard supplies the full PDA system and also dictionaries installed on SD card. Eijiro is a very useful dictionary, try the web version and see if you would like it Web Eijiro. Goo.ne.jp is also a very powerful online dictionary, the data is from Daijirin. However, the J-E or E-J dictionaries are not that useful as they do not provide examples. Goo is more for advanced learners.

For in-depth reading about Japanese dictionaries and PDA, read www.japaneselanguagetools.com, Jim Breen and Zaurus. Personally, I reverted an enquiry to Armin Rump from Zaurus, and the reply was fast.

Enjoy your PDA Japanese dictionaries adventure!

Stop Complaining

2008-01-11T16:24:00.000+08:00

I was trying to write in my Chinese blogger as I've been complaining too much for the past few weeks. I tried to churn something fun out of my brain. Sad. I couldn't think of anything that is fun about my work.

I used to share a lot of funny jokes from work place with my family. I stopped doing that since I changed job and become a due diligence research analyst. Sad. I've never have anything that is really fun and happy about the work or workplace to share with my family nor my friends.

What is good about this new job? Higher salary. Anything else? Career advancement opportunities. (It's too vague now, and I think all my hard work are in vain.) Is there anything else? (trying so hard to think of one) NO more!

Here I am, complaining again. But, I just can't help it. There must be ways to stop myself from complaining. There must be. Just that they haven't show themselves up.

Happy New Year

2008-01-04T13:13:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

It's been a while I never posted anything here. Busy, that's all I can say. And tired, with granny and work.

Granny is not getting better or worse, just as she is. There's nothing I can do to help nor improve the situation, so, I gave up.

Work, too much politics in it. Pissed, with that stupid appraisal system, which means nothing but a piece of junk. Within this company, nothing is worthwhile. All the hardwork, late nights, are all in vain. A recommendation for promotion from the supervisor and manager doesn't even help me to get a better bonus.

Am I quitting? Hmmm, I will, someday. I still want the promotion, not for the money, merely for the opportunities lie behind it.

Cheers! It's life, nothing we can change. So, laugh over it!

My new toy - Dopod 818

2008-01-04T11:34:00.000+08:00

I'm so excited today. My new toy - Dopod 838 is arriving tomorrow. Though it's a used PDA phone, I don't really mind it since I get to save at least a thousand bucks. Hehe

I'll keep you updated after I play with it. *^_^*

Getting an Electronic Japanese Dictionary

2007-12-28T16:34:00.000+08:00

My intermediate Japanese class is going to start in another two weeks, and I have not even started my revision so far. Taihen desu ne!
So, I started with some Japanese movie synopsis readings last weekend to get the brain to work. I copied the synopsis from www.goo.ne.jp and pasted on my Word. Initially I was trying to read and keep notes using Word, but it is too messy with words, colors and comments spreading all around thedocument. In the end, I wrote down the whole article on my notebook with plenty of spaces in between lines. I wrote the notes all over the paper using colorful felt-tip pens. Guess what, the note looks a lot more presentable and is interesting to read.
So, how I checked up all those vocabularies? I actually used the online dictionary on Goo and copied everything on my notebook. Whew! That's a lot of work, but the notes look great and is informational. It took me more than three hours to read that two paragraphs. However, I experienced pains on my wrists and arms at the end of my study.

I decided to get myself an electronic dictionary after that painful evening. I did a bit of research online and found that most of the non-native Japanese speakers, especially native English speakers recommended a PDA over electronic dictionary. So, I spent another two days looking for a Japanese-capable PDA. Many recommended a Palm over Pocket PC.
I went back to work on Wednesday and enquired my ex-boss who is IT savvy and a PDA lover. She advised me to get the softwares I need before getting one, be it Palm or Pocket PC. So, I went on with my Internet adventure again. This time I found a totally opposite opinion - a Pocket PC over a Palm! Huh, that is just damn great! Two extremes.
I decided to get a Pocket PC because my ex-boss is wiling to sell me her old Dopod cheap secondhand. ^_^ But, how am I going to get that Dopod to display Japanese text and run a Japanese dictionary?! More surveys. I went to one of the biggest mall in my hometown and asked from shop to shop. Shop assistants looking at me with a surprise and suspicious look. Oh gosh why is it so difficult to get a Japanese-capable Pocket PC!
My conclusion is Malaysians are not really into knowledge or foreign languages. That is why I can't even get a proper Japanese dictionary in hardcopy. And shop assistants know nothing about their products, so, it is better to do my own research.
I emailed the Dopod Asia support group, and in a BLINK they reverted my enquiries to their software supplier - Mobem. And my problem is solved. All Dopods are bundled with CE-Star, which supports both Japanese and Chinese input/output. Amazing! Even if my ex-boss's old Dopod doesn't come with CE-Star, I can either buy a brand new Dopod (very $$$) or buy the software online.

- Case Closed -

Gloomy Days...

2007-11-30T15:00:00.000+08:00

I wonder if gloomy is the best word to describe my recent days.

Two months ago my granny tripped herself and fell, and broken her pelvic joint. She was hospitalized for a week. The first week she came home, we all yelled at her trying to stop her to walk to toilet as often as once in every 15 minutes. Eventually we gave in and let her do whatever she wants.

I wished that I don't have a granny, at that depressing weekend. We all started to get used to the situation, and pulled ourself out of all the frustrations and depressions after that first week.

Three weeks later, she was so ill and was hospitalized again, for five days. Glucose in her blood was too low, she passed out. The night before she passed out, she acted weirdly - treated us so nicely. In the afternoon the day before she passed out, she said "I know you did all these for my own good" to my elder sister when she took granny to pee. In the evening, she was so ill and wanted to see everyone. She held everyone's hands, as if she is soon to leave us. We all cried. First time in my life I saw my dad and all my sisters cried so sadly.

I thought I hated granny, however, I don't. I'm just angry at her, her actions to be specific.

Early this morning, she passed out and was hospitalized again. It's her blood glucose again. None of us cried, we were all prepared.

Do I hate her? I guess not, but I'm still very angry at her, for what she did to us.

Miss You

2007-11-16T13:15:00.000+08:00

Came back from lunch, sitting in front of the computer, all in a sudden I miss my former colleagues so much. They are like family to me, three sisters and an aunty.

I've never felt this since I join the new company. It's been seven months, but still I don't have someone whom I will share my feelings with, in this new company. I'm still skyping my ex boss whenever I'm unhappy, sad, stressed up, stressed out...

Kooi Ling, Min Min, Beh and Celina, I miss you all so much!

Bored...

2007-11-06T14:35:00.000+08:00

Gee I actually enjoy being stuffed with work.

Since I complained about aches on my arms, my boss reduced my workload. It's been a week, I'm so bored working without much work, which means no challenges.

Urgh, work, work, work! Without much work, I'm bored; too much work, I'm stressed up. Oooh, what am I suppose to do?

I'm so free that I have time to read all the posts in my blog and my friend's blog. I'm so bored that I keep bugging my friends on skype till they don't feel like entertaining me anymore. :(

Between Kind and Cruel

2007-11-05T10:15:00.000+08:00

Sick, I am really sick, both physically and mentally, sick. Anger has possesed me, I could not stop myself from angry at my grandma.

Two weeks ago, grandma tripped and fell at home at late night. None of us know how she could have tripped herself and fell, and broken her leg. Grandma is the psycho type of person, she is suspicious, bad tempered, and also cruel.

Since my dad is the only child, we have no excuse but to stay with grandma. Grandma is a tyrant, every one has to obey her. We did, me and my siblings did obey her, untill we all are old enough to make our decision. Quarrels started, endless quarrels between grandma and the rest of the family for years. Eventually, we chose the simplest way to avoid the quarrels - we all stopped talking to grandma.

Grandma is selfish too, so selfish that she would torture her own son. Since she discharged from the hospital and came home, she never stop torturing my dad and all of us, including my mum. She refused to wear diapers, and asked my dad to assist her to toilet once or twice hourly, every night.

Even during day time, she won't let go any of the opportunities to torture every one. Every half an hour or less, she will make fusses wanted to go pee. Every one is stressed up, we yell and yell at her. But, all the yelling, threatening, frustration do not lead to a solution. We all are still in the deep fire that burns us alive.

I wish she will die sooner. I felt guilty for saying so, but, I want my dad and every one at home to live longer. So, I hope my grandma will die sooner.

RSI

2007-10-30T14:40:00.000+08:00

These few days I have been suffering from Repetitive Stress Injuries (RSI), which is a result of me trying to outperform at work.

Two weeks ago, I took in two cases voluntarily in order to get my year-end appraisal looks good. However, those undistributed cases are normally the 'pig's head bones', those unwanted fussy cases that will never go smooth.

It is indeed. Eventually I came back to work during the long weekend holiday, working for a total of approximately 14 hours.

The past weekend, I wasn't working, luckily. Thinking that a good rest during the weekend will help me wash away all the tiredness, however, it didn't work the way I expected it to be.

On Friday's night, coming back from work, I felt numb on my arms, though it was not severe. Saturday, the day I thought I could relax and study, the numbness became more severe. Finally Sunday reached, the pain increased till I was hardly to lift my arms.

Today, it is Monday. The pain is so severe that I felt like my fingers weren't mine when I was riding on my way to work. At work, I could hardly type or rest my hands on the desk for more than 20 minutes.

This is RSI, pals. So, don't ever try to outperform at work. The only outcome of that is you will experience pains that you can't afford.

Faces

2007-10-19T14:48:00.001+08:00

It is amazing how much messages conveyed through the one's appearance. Your face, your movement, your voice, your talking tone, etc.

Can you imagine how people judge at the very first time they meet you? Gee more than you can imagine.

After lunch, I skyped my boss asking how long is he go for vegetarian. Then, we started a chat about the face of someone - the clubbing face, the studious face, the serious face, the quiet face, the playful face etc.

Swearing

2007-10-18T08:51:00.000+08:00

17-Oct-2007

Gosh, I'm about to collapse or blow up soon. Have been stretched myself for the weekend to work, and squeezed and drained my brain. This morning I woke up thinking that I can relax a bit for the day, but being thrown another case to compile which due end of the day. FUCK!!! Though I'm not suppose to swear as I promised myself, I just can't help it this time. I just have to SWEAR and SWEAR...

Feeling Guilty

2007-10-14T17:54:00.000+08:00

Being around with friends is never easy, especially when you do not understand them, and you do not plan to try to understand them either. However, nothing would be worse than when you disagree with them and you start to despise them for their behaviours, attitudes, perspectives, etc.

It is just not easy, instead it is very difficult. Recently, I have problem dealing with my own feelings - feeling guilty for despising my own friends, or those I now considered as someone I know about.

Previously, I never thought of how to define friend - what is a friend? Now, I have my own definition. Friend, is someone I admire, not necessarily he or she is to be the best amongst peopel I know of, but there must be something about him or her that I admire. Otherwise, it is kind of impossible for me to be close with that someone.

This is a serious problem. As I now despise most of my friends, I avoid seeing them. No more hang out. No more phone calls. Lastly, I do not even chat with them online anymore. Feeling guilty for being so "practical', but it is not wrong for what I have done so far.

We all influence others, and vice versa. So, it is very important that who we are hanging out with. If your friends are those motivated and positive, you will soon become one of them. If your friends are those negative and slacking type, you will soon become one of them too. For me, this is the truth.

So, I will just bear with that feeling of guilty.

DIET or DYING?

2007-10-10T17:10:00.000+08:00

Heard from ex-boss that her two staff are currently on diet to slim down by eating a lot of cili padi. Ummm, that's new and strange. After eating that ladies fingers with lots of cili padi, they diarrhea for the whole afternoon.

Though ex-boss never said she's not happy about it, but I'm sure she's really not happy indeed. Intentionally causing diarrhea during working hours shows is not professional.

If I were at my ex-boss's position, I would've pointed it out, though probably with a toned down way. People who have no idea about professionalism and ethics at work, you just can't expect them to be sensible about critics and comments, even though they are the constructive ones.

Human beings can have more than hundred definitions for the same matter. Well, that's just the way the world works. So, don't push it too hard.

Miss you a lot

2007-10-06T08:11:00.000+08:00

I miss colleagues from previous job so much. I missed them terribly, especially since last night's incident.

I've been seeing the differences between my former colleagues with my current colleagues since I started with this new job. Most of my new colleagues are nothing more than just a bunch of college kids, or worse even - a bunch of school kids.

I'm glad my ex-boss KL didn't see me as neither college nor school kid when i first joined the company. Thanks, KL. You've been such a great boss and a good friend to me. You're my role model.

StUpiD DaDa's Confession

2007-10-05T00:09:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a long time I haven't had anything posted up here. All this while, I've been posted in my new English and Japanese blog - http://dada83.blogspot.com. Yea, a blog that is so mysterious, secretive, and lonely which I bet none of my friends have visited it.

Tonight, I'm so miserable and in desperate need of advice. Advice, I need advice from you. With the hope of getting responses from you all, I posted this both in my dada83.blogspot and here.

It's been a busy day - working half day and took half day leave to attend a job interview, as well as attend the farewell dinner of a colleague who's leaving next week. Of course, it was not only dinner. Someone poppped up with the idea of going to karaoke, but we all ended compromising with a movie at Queensbay.

The movie started at 9.15pm, and expected to finish by 11pm. 11pm! Gosh, it's been quite a long time I never hang out till that late, and definitely not with a motorbike. So, I rang home and told my sister I'll be going back late tonight. Less than a minute after I hung up the phone, my mum called and asking me to go home straight away. I would have blown up if this happen in few years back. But, no, I didn't blow up. I do understand how my parents feel about me going home late night riding a motorbike. I've had worried about my sisters who came home late. I know exactly what kind of feeling that is.

I went silent for more than a minute, I just didn't know what to do. My colleagues had been trying to persuade me to go karaoke for more than 15 minutes, which I felt so uncomfortable with. Then, we compromised with going for a movie. And right at the time my mum insisted that I should go home, my boss walked towards me with the tickets in his hand. Eventually, I watched the movie, and thinking about my parents worrying back there at home.

Soon after the movie finished, I quickly rode my motorbike home. I was riding at the speed of 80km per hour. That's lightning speed, at least it is for me who is riding on a motorbike. I wasn't worried about getting scolded, I no longer worry about being scolded for my mistakes or faults by my parents for quite some time. I was really sad for making my parents worrying about me.

I used to think that I'm old enough and matured enough to take charge of my life. Tonight, first time since I went to study in Australia, I don't think I'm good enough, old enough and matured enough to take charge of my life. I don't even know how to say NO to things that I don't like or I don't want to do.

It's kind of stupid to be bothered by myself thinking that others seeing me as mummy's or daddy's little girl. But, I do care about it, and very much indeed. I don't want to be mummy's little girl nor daddy's little girl. I always wanted to give the impression to others that I'm a matured young woman, who take charge of my own life, who never have to ask for permission to hang out late, who make decision for every single thing in life. How stupid I am and how naive I am to think so?!

I just wanna to say sorry - Dad, mum, I'm so sorry that I made you worried. Sorry.

Stinginess for words

2007-10-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

Just can't understand why people are so ungenerous with words in letters or emails nowadays. Is it so hard for them to type a few words instead forwarding an email to the friends?

I always appreciated friends who type me personal messages. I would be excited if I get a hand scribbled letter from a friend. However, it has become such a luxury to receive hand written notes or letters. Now, even a personally composed email is too luxurious to ask from someone.

Sigh, we are all so stingy about words, both spoken and written, personally. We had rather forward an email that does not even carry the word "Hi". Sad.

Another Friday

2007-09-29T07:46:00.000+08:00

It's Friday again! A quiet week with only one surprising news - one of the supervisors left. Ooo surprisingly one of them is leaving. Used to think that they will stay for a longer period since the company is expanding and there are more openings for manager-level positions.

Uhmm probably the work is just too tough, the workload is just overly heavy for the supervisors. Frustrations have been going around in the supervisors gang.

On the way getting rid of music at work

2007-09-27T14:10:00.000+08:00

Feel like getting rid music off my working hours. Yup, that's right! Headphones and earphones are no good for the ears, so better get rid of them as soon as possible or as frequent as possible.

Due to the nature of work, I have to rely on music to bring some fun to my boring working hours. However, recently I experienced pain on the nerves near my left ear. At first, I thought it was merely because I had too much biscuits, but the pain did not go away after I stopped eating biscuits or drinking MILO.

So, I decided to stop using them. Today, I have only used my headphone for less than 15 minutes. And that was during lunch time listening to the Japanese Textbook CDs.

Cool! It would be good if I can focus on my work without the help of music in the future.

Wish me luck, buddies! :P

3.06pm
Discrepancies made by my SA during the review of my reports are confusing me. Why we get the blame while there are no standardization from the supervisors' end? How on earth shall I know which is correct, which is wrong and which one to follow? Two out of ten he will give me a different answer for the same question.

It is just so stupid for all the discrepancies and redundancies occur in the office. Same as 'stupid idiot".

Another Day...

2007-09-27T08:34:00.000+08:00

2.33pm
Back aches since this morning. Couldn't find where the stress come from. Could it be being not happy at work?

In desperate need of new challenges, the report writing is no longer challenging to me. There have to be new challenges to inspire, excite me. There must be something out there waiting for me to discover.

There must be new challenges waiting for me out there.

4.28pm
I'm slouching in front of the computer. Just don't feel like working. I wanna go home!!!

Evolving into Zombi

2007-09-25T12:10:00.000+08:00

Arhhhhhh....so sleepy. Motivation has been stolen away from me. Soon I'll be dragging my body to work, like a zombi. Yucks, a zombi who eats human beings' flesh. Urghhhh!

Bad sign. This is a sign of me leaving the job soon. Struggling, I want my promotion. I see the rocketish career advancement here. Aiks, will I be able to stop myself from evolving into zombi? Err, no idea. Let's just hope I will be able to.

3.00pm
It's 3pm but I'm still not in the mood of work yet. I'm still on the "Away" mode since this morning. NO, it's since last week. Oh gosh. What am I suppose to do?! Even the most inspiring Broadway musical songs are of no use. Helplessly demotivated. :(

4.42pm
I can't wait to grab my backpack and leave the office. Haiyo, why's the time crawling and not flying?! Ummmm, probably because I'm crawling and not flying while doing my job.

Why most of the management want to bully those that have resigned and waiting to leave the company? Can't the management just treats them like any other staff? If they've been treated fairly, especially after they thrown the resignation letter, they'll appreciate the company they are soon to leave more. At least they won't purposely screw up in their work. It's such a lost for the company if people screwing up in their work.

A Blue Week

2007-09-24T09:57:00.000+08:00

Sigh, it's Friday again. Others have blue Monday, while I found Friday is even bluer at times.

A tough week is ending soon. Tough, not because of the workload is heavy, just that I'm not motivated for this week. Why? It's the shift work system that's driving me nut. Though the management confirmed that the normal working hours won't be dimissed, but it's only for temporary, in my opinion. By the time the management has trained enough analysts, all of us who's anti-shift will be pressured to work shift.

Pessimistic? Darh, I just can't be optimistic about this. This is real life - employer will not care about employees' wellfare. That's the truth, so true that it makes life sad.

Felt like simply do the work, but I just couldn't. Once I started to simply glance through the screen, I felt insecure. Yea, that's not me, who always seek for perfection. Gosh, then I'll be work like "kek".

Argghhhh...a terrible week - taihen desu ne

2007-09-20T13:34:00.000+08:00

Sien. Suddenly felt like quitting the current job. Yea, affected by the new shift work system. Sad, all plans have to be modified again. Staggerred? Cancelled? Arghhh...sick of it!

Keeping myself MOTIVATED

Gosh, i've been slacking over the week. I need something to motivate myself. Where's all my motivation gone? In the drain or back in that recycle bin waiting for me to pick it up?

Hide my feelings from colleagues

Can I trust all my friends at work? I thought I could, but now I'm not sure. Not that I distrust them, just that I don't want to put all my feelings under the sun. At least not to my colleagues, espcially when it is work-related.

Maybe we just can't trust anyone in this world. Though not necessarily they'll tell the management about you, but gossips go around and there it is all about you are exposed to everyone.

sHaRiNg

Looking for someone to share everything - books, emotions, blogs, interesting websites, yummy food, etc. But where's that someone?

Happy time, I wanna share the laughter with you. Sad time, I hope you will bring me a box of tissues. Stressed out weeks, wishing you to go hiking with me on the weekends. Put on weight time, we'll go swimming together.

SHIT!!! I think I've gone crazy, insane, nut...I got excited when there's urgent cases. :( Dah...it must have been a sign of transforming into WORKAHOLIC. S.O.S - that's all I can think of at the moment.

初めて日記を書きます

2007-09-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

２００７年９月１６日雨

今始めて日本語で日記を書きます。どうぞよろしくお願いします。

私は２４歳で、アナリストです。家族は七人です。両親、祖母、姉が一人と妹が二人です。

今日本語を勉強しています。日本語が上手だったら、日本へ働きに行きたいです。しかし、まだ上手です。

日本語で日記を書くのは日本語上手になりますと思っています。

お休み。